Import of Release 5

[rfk-inform.git] / kitten.inf

! robotfindskitten
! A Zen Simulation
! Release 5 / Serial number 030524 / Inform v6.21
!
!     [-]       |\_/|        http://www.robotfindskitten.org
!     (+)=C     |o o|__      Leonard Richardson (C) 1997, 2000
!     | |       --*--__\     David Griffith (C) 2002  (Inform Edition)
!     OOO       C_C(____)
!
!
! This Zen simulation is based on the C version v1600003.248b
! by Leonard Richardson (C) 1997, 2000.
! Written originally for the Nerth Pork robotfindskitten contest.
! Reimplemented in Inform by David Griffith (C) 2002.
!
! Lots more information on robotfindskitten is available at
! http://www.robotfindskitten.org.
!
!
! In this game, you are Robot (#).  Your job is to find Kitten.  This
! task is complicated by the existance of various things which are not
! kitten.  Robot must touch items to determine if they are Kitten or
! not.  Move Robot with the cursor keys, the numeric keypad, or
! using the vi/rogue movement keys. The game ends when robotfindskitten.
! Alternatively, you may end the game by hitting the Esc or Q keys.
!
! Developed with Inform 6.21.2 as installed from NetBSD's pkgsrc tree
! and Frotz 2.42.
! 
!
! Compile it with:
!       inform "-~S" kitten.inf  <-- Assuming Unix
!                ^
!                | 
!               Gets rid of debugging code which doesn't really do
!               this sort of program any good in the first place.
!
! Notes:
!       1) More than half of the code is taken up by non kitten items
!       (NKIs).  When I compiled the code with just five messages and
!       no debugging code, the resulting binary was less than 10k bytes.
!
!       2) If it wasn't already abundantly obvious, this program won't
!       compile to Glulx because of copious use of Z-machine assembly
!       instructions.

!Switches xv5s;

Switches v5;


! Number of messages
! This must be updated when adding new messages.
!
Constant MESSAGE_NUM    602;

Constant Nonkitten_Default 20;

! Maxmimum possible number of non-kitten items on the playfield at once.
! I don't know if there's a hard maximum for arrays built into the
! Z-machine.  It's just that Inform won't let me set an array's 
! dimensions at runtime.
!
Constant Nonkitten_Max  256;


Release 5;
Serial "030524";

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Constant Story "robotfindskitten";

Constant Headline "^A Zen Simulation^";

! Number of spaces from the left where Robot and Kitten meet during the
! animation.
!
Constant Anim_Meet      10;

! These are set at runtime.
!
Global Height = 0;
Global Width = 0;

Global Back_def = 2;
Global Fore_def = 9;

Global TopBar = 5;

Global player_x = 0;
Global player_y = 0;
Global player_x_last = 0;
Global player_y_last = 0;

Global kitten_x = 0;
Global kitten_y = 0;
Global kitten_char = 0;
Global kitten_color = 0;

Global last_message = "";

Global nonkitten_count = Nonkitten_Default;

Array nonkitten_x --> Nonkitten_Max;
Array nonkitten_y --> Nonkitten_Max;
Array nonkitten_color --> Nonkitten_Max;
Array nonkitten_char --> Nonkitten_Max;
Array nonkitten_msg --> Nonkitten_Max;

Global already_msg_count = 0;
Global already_count = 0;
Array already_x --> Nonkitten_Max + 2;
Array already_y --> Nonkitten_Max + 2;
Array already_msg --> Nonkitten_Max;


Global Real_Release = 0;

[ Main key;

        @set_colour Fore_def Back_def;

        if (MESSAGE_NUM < Nonkitten_Max) {
                nonkitten_count = MESSAGE_NUM;
        } else {
                nonkitten_count = Nonkitten_Default;
        }

        ! If a key is held down while the found_kitten animation is playing,
        ! (0-->1) & $03ff gets corrupted.  Seems like it might be a bug
        ! somewhere in Unix Frotz.
        !
        Real_Release = (0-->1)&$03ff;

        Width = $22-->0;
        Height = $24-->0;

        main_menu();    
        while (true) {
                key = getkey();
                switch (key) {
                'F':    already_count = 0;
                        init_nonkittens();
                        init_kitten();
                        init_robot();
                        while (findkitten())
                                ;
                'D':    set_nonkitten_count();
                'I':    print_instructions();
                'A':    print_about();
                'T':    print_thoughts();
!               'P':    print_all_nki();
                }
                if (key == 'Q' || key == $1b)   ! $1b == ESC
                        break;
                main_menu();
        }
        quit;
];


[ main_menu psycho;

        psycho = random(50);
        if (psycho == 1)
                psycho = true;
        else
                psycho = false;

        @erase_window $ffff;
        @split_window 11;
        @set_window 1;

        Banner();
        draw_horiz(TopBar);

        draw_big_robot(3, 7);

        if (psycho)
                draw_big_kitten_psycho(14, 7);
        else
                draw_big_kitten(15, 7);

        @set_cursor 7 30;
        print "http://www.robotfindskitten.org";
        @set_cursor 8 30;
        print "Leonard Richardson (C) 1997, 2000";
        @set_cursor 9 30;
        print "David Griffith (C) 2002  (Inform Edition)";

        @set_cursor 10 30;
        print "    ", MESSAGE_NUM, " different nonkittens!";

        @set_window 0;

        print "  F) Find Kitten^";
        print "  D) Difficulty  (", nonkitten_count, ")^";
        print "  I) Instructions^";
        print "  T) Thoughts^";
        print "  A) About^";
        print "  Q) Quit^";
        print "^> ";
];

! Copied from module/verblibm.h
!
[ Banner i;
        if (Story ~= 0) {
#IFV5;
                style bold; 
#ENDIF;
                print (string) Story;
#IFV5;
                style roman;
#ENDIF;
        }
        if (Headline ~= 0) {
                print (string) Headline;
        }
        print "Release ", Real_Release, " / Serial number ";
        for (i=18:i<24:i++) print (char) 0->i;
        print " / Inform v"; inversion; print " ";
#ifdef STRICT_MODE;
        print "S";
#endif;
#ifdef INFIX;
        print "X";
#ifnot;
#ifdef DEBUG;
        print "D";
#endif;
#endif;
        new_line;
];


Constant INBUFSIZE 80;
Array inbuf -> INBUFSIZE;

[ set_nonkitten_count maxnum val;

        while (true) {
                @erase_window $ffff;
                @split_window 5;
                @set_window 1;
                Banner();
                draw_horiz(TopBar);
                @set_window 0;

                if (MESSAGE_NUM < Nonkitten_Max) {
                        maxnum = MESSAGE_NUM;
                } else {
                        maxnum = Nonkitten_Max;
                } 

                print "^Please enter the number of nonkittens you
                        wish to search through.^(1 to ", maxnum, " only)^^> ";

                while (true) {
                        val = get_number(1, maxnum, nonkitten_count);
                        if (val == -1) {
                                break;
                        } else {
                                nonkitten_count = val;
                                return;
                        }
                }
        }
];


[ get_number min max init inbufvar ix cx len val;

        while (true) {
                inbuf->0 = (INBUFSIZE-3);
                inbuf->1 = 0;
                inbufvar = inbuf;
                ix = 0;
                @aread inbufvar ix;
                new_line;
                len = inbuf->1;
                cx = 0;
                while (cx < len && inbuf->(2+cx) == ' ')
                        cx++;
                if (cx < len && inbuf->(2+cx) == '.')
                        break;

                ! If user just hit return, use what we have already. 
                if (len == 0)
                        return init;
                if (cx == len || inbuf->(2+cx) < '0' || inbuf->(2+cx) > '9') {
                        print "Please enter a value from ", min, " to ", max,
                                ", or Enter by itself to exit.^
                                [Press any key to continue.] ";
                        getkey();
                        return -1;
                }
                val = 0;
                while (cx < len && inbuf->(2+cx) >= '0' && inbuf->(2+cx) <= '9') {
                        val = val * 10 + (inbuf->(2+cx) - '0');
                        cx++;
                }
                if (val < min || val > max) {
                        print "Please enter a value from ", min, " to ", max,
                                ", or Enter by itself to exit.^
                                [Press any key to continue.] ";
                        getkey();
                        return -1;
                } else break;
        }
        return val;
];


[ print_about;

        @erase_window $ffff;
        @split_window TopBar;
        @set_window 1;
        Banner();
        draw_horiz(TopBar);
        @set_window 0;

print "^
This Zen simulation is based on the C version v1600003.248b^
by Leonard Richardson (C) 1997, 2000.^
Written originally for the Nerth Pork robotfindskitten contest.^
Reimplemented in Inform by David Griffith (C) 2002.^
^
This code is freely redistributable.  Do with it what you will, but
don't go about claiming you wrote it.  I, David Griffith, retain
copyright on this program except for the NKIs imported from the master
(aka POSIX) port.^
^
Lots more information on robotfindskitten is available at
http://www.robotfindskitten.org.^
^
To submit new NKI's, please go to the above URL.^
^
^
Release History:^
^
Release 1 / Serial number 0211xx to 021214 or so^
Initial private release.  Limited distribution for beta testing and
debugging purposes.^
^
Release 2 / Serial Number 021216^
First public release.^
^
Release 3 / Serial Number 021221^
Bugfix release.^
- Movement keys 'J' and 'K' were swapped by mistake.  Fixed.^
- Special PalmOS movement key support added.^
- More NKIs added (401 total).^
^
Release 4 / Serial Number 030131^
Light overhaul release.^
- Now an official port of robotfindskitten.^
- Typos in NKIs fixed.^
- Fixed diagonal collision-detection strangeness.^
- Added color support.^
- Added an easter egg.  Can you find it?^
- Removed PalmOS movement key support (superfluous and ugly).^
- Removed playfield resizing code (superfluous and ugly).^
- It's ~robotfindskitten~, not ~Robot Finds Kitten~.^
- Merged in new NKIs from the new POSIX release of robotfindskitten.^
- More NKIs added (561 total).^
^
Release 5 / Serial Number 030524^
Even more NKIs release.^
- Idiotic typos fixed.^
- More NKIs added (602 total).^
^
^
Known Bugs:^
^
1) I still don't know why already_seen_xy() occasionally causes Robot to
get placed on top of another object when a game is started.  Fortunately
this seems to happen only very rarely and typically only if the
difficulty is set to more than 200.  This bug also seems to very
occasionally put Kitten underneath an NKI.^
^
2) Under earlier versions of Windows Frotz, Robot used to appear as a
solid block. This was because of a bug in Windows Frotz which
incorrectly makes the cursor opaque.  The cursor is now moved off to
the upper-right corner so that the game looks okay on terminals that use
something other than reverse for the cursor.  I still can't figure out
how to make Inform hide the cursor completely.  At least on xterm and
NetBSD's console, @@64set_cursor -1 doesn't work.^
^
3) Under Windows Frotz, an annoying [MORE] prompt might appear at the
main menu.  This is another bug in Windows Frotz which causes the
interpreter to follow Windows' suggestion that something less than 24 or
25 lines is okay.^
^
^
Other Stuff:^
^
1) PalmOS mode and screen-resizing was removed because PalmOS mode stunk
and screen-resizing was a failed attempt to make PalmOS mode work.  The
native PalmOS port of robotfindskitten looks much better than the Inform
version running on a PalmOS Z-machine interpreter.^
^
[Press any key to continue.] "; 
        getkey();
];


[ print_instructions;

        @erase_window $ffff;
        @split_window TopBar;
        @set_window 1;
        Banner();
        draw_horiz(TopBar);
        @set_window 0;
print "^
In this game, you are Robot ( ";
#IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
print "#";
#IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;
print " ).  Your job is to find Kitten.  This task
is complicated by the existance of various things which are not 
Kitten.  Robot must touch items to determine if they are Kitten or
not.  Move Robot with the cursor keys, the numeric keypad (make sure
numlock is on), or using the vi/rogue/nethack movement keys.  The game
ends when robotfindskitten.  Alternatively, you may end the game by
hitting the Esc or Q keys.^
^
[Press any key to continue.] "; 
        getkey();
];


[ print_thoughts;
        @erase_window $ffff;
        @split_window TopBar;
        @set_window 1;
        Banner();
        draw_horiz(TopBar);
        @set_window 0;
print "^
A Final Thought.^
^
Day and night I feverishly worked upon the machine, creating both a soul
which could desire its goal, and a body with which it could realize 
it. Many who saw my creation called it an abomination, and denied me
grant money.  But they could not dissuade me from my impossible 
task.  It was a spectre that tormented me always, a ghost I had to give
a form and a life, lest it consume me from the inside.  And when at last
my task was done, when the grey box on wheels was complete and when it,
as well as I, knew what had to be done, I felt deep sympathy for the
machine.  For I had not destroyed the phantom, but merely exorcized it
into another body.  The robot knew not why this task had to be
performed, for I could not imbue it with knowledge I did not myself
posess.  And at the same time, I felt a sweeping sense of relief sweep
over me, that somehow, the dream that had driven me for my entire life
had come one step closer to fruition.^
^
~Gort, Klaatu Verada Nikto~^
^
As I vocally activated the robot, I realized that it was following my
instructions, but not out of any desire to obey me.  Had I remained
silent, it would have performed exactly the same operations.  We were
two beings controlled by the same force now.  And yet, seeking vainly to
hold some illusion of control over the machine I thought I had created,
I gave my final command.^
^
~GO!~  I told the box as it began to roll out of my workshop into the
frozen desert beyond. ~FIND KITTEN!~^
^
-- The Book of Found Kittens, pages 43-4, author unknown.^
^
[Press any key to continue.] "; 
        getkey();
];


[ draw_big_robot x y; 

        if (x == 0)
                x = 1;
        if (y == 0)
                y = 1;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 6 Back_def;
        print "[";
        @set_colour 4 Back_def;
        print "-";
        @set_colour 6 Back_def;
        print "]";

        y = y+1;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 6 Back_def;
        print "(";
        @set_colour 3 Back_def;
        print "+";
        @set_colour 6 Back_def;
        print ")";
        @set_colour 8 Back_def;
        print "=C";

        y = y+1;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 6 Back_def;
        print "| |";

        y = y+1;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 8 Back_def;
        print "OOO";

        @set_colour Fore_def Back_def;
];


[ draw_big_kitten x y;

        if (x == 0)
                x = 1;
        if (y == 0)
                y = 1;
        @set_cursor y x;

        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print "|", (char) 92, "_/|";
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        print "|";
        @set_colour 4 Back_def;
        print "o o";
        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print "|__";
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 9 Back_def;
        print "--";
        @set_colour 3 Back_def;
        print "*";
        @set_colour 9 Back_def;
        print "--";
        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print "__", (char) 92;
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        print "C_C(____)";      

        @set_colour Fore_def Back_def;
];


[ draw_big_kitten_psycho x y;

        if (x == 0)
                x = 1;
        if (y == 0)
                y = 1;
        @set_cursor y x;

        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print " |", (char) 92, "_/|";
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 4 Back_def;
        print "(|) (|)";
        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print "_";
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        @set_colour 9 Back_def;
        print " --";
        @set_colour 3 Back_def;
        print "O";
        @set_colour 9 Back_def;
        print "--";
        @set_colour 5 Back_def;
        print "__", (char) 92;
        y++;
        @set_cursor y x;
        print " 3_3(____)";     

        @set_colour Fore_def Back_def;
];

! Something gets messed up if I make this local to findkitten()
! When going right or left, then up or down to hit the Kitten, the
! animation gets reversed.
! 
Global last_right = false;

[ findkitten key i;

        @erase_window $ffff;
        @split_window TopBar;
        @set_window 1;
        @set_cursor 1 1;

        Banner();
        print (string) last_message;
        draw_horiz(TopBar);

        draw_object(kitten_x, kitten_y, kitten_char, kitten_color);
        draw_nonkittens();

        #IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
        draw_object(player_x, player_y, '#');
        #IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;

        @set_cursor 1 Width;

        ! Get movement key
        !
        key = getkey();

        ! Move Robot
        !
        player_x_last = player_x;
        player_y_last = player_y;
        switch (key) {
        'Q', $1b:       rfalse;                 ! exit game ($1b == Esc)
        '8', 'K', 129:  player_y--;             ! up
        '2', 'J', 130:  player_y++;             ! down
        '4', 'H', 131:  player_x--;             ! left
                        last_right = false;
        '6', 'L', 132:  player_x++;             ! right
                        last_right = true;

        '7', 'Y':       player_y--; player_x--; ! up-left
                        last_right = false;
        '9', 'U':       player_y--; player_x++; ! up-right
                        last_right = true;
        '1', 'B':       player_y++; player_x--; ! down-left
                        last_right = false;
        '3', 'N':       player_y++; player_x++; ! down-right
                        last_right = true;
        }

        ! Keep Robot from falling off edges of playfield.
        !
        if (player_y == TopBar || player_y > Height) {
                player_y = player_y_last;
        }
        if (player_x < 1 || player_x > Width) {
                player_x = player_x_last;
        }

        ! Detect and handle collisions.
        !
        if (player_x == kitten_x && player_y == kitten_y) {
                animate_kitten(key, last_right);
                getkey();
                rfalse;
        }
        for (i = 0: i < nonkitten_count: i++) {
                if (player_x == nonkitten_x-->i
                && player_y == nonkitten_y-->i) {
                        @set_cursor 1 1;
                        last_message = lookup_msg(nonkitten_msg-->i);
                        player_x = player_x_last;
                        player_y = player_y_last;
                }
        }
        rtrue;
];


[ animate_kitten key my_last_right i j junk robot_x anim_finished;

        switch (key) {
        '8', 'J', 129:  player_y++;
        '2', 'K', 130:  player_y--;
        '4', 'H', 131:  player_x++;
        '6', 'L', 132:  player_x--;
        '7', 'Y':       player_y++; player_x++; 
        '9', 'U':       player_y++; player_x--;
        '1', 'B':       player_y--; player_x++;
        '3', 'N':       player_y--; player_x--;
        }

        anim_finished = false;
        for (i = 4: i >= 0: i--) {
                @erase_window $ffff;
                @split_window TopBar;
                @set_window 1;
                @set_cursor 1 1;

                Banner();
                draw_horiz(TopBar);

                if (i > 0) {
                        if (my_last_right) {
                                robot_x = Anim_Meet - i;
                                #IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
                                draw_object(robot_x, TopBar - 1, '#');
                                #IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;
                                draw_object(Anim_Meet - 1 + i, TopBar - 1, 
                                        kitten_char, kitten_color);
                        } else {
                                robot_x = Anim_Meet - 1 + i;
                                #IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
                                draw_object(robot_x, TopBar - 1, '#');
                                #IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;
                                draw_object(Anim_Meet - i, TopBar - 1,
                                        kitten_char, kitten_color);
                        }
                } else {
                        j = TopBar - 1;
                        @set_cursor j 1;
                        print "You found Kitten!  Way to go, Robot!";
                        anim_finished = true;
                }

                draw_object(kitten_x, kitten_y, kitten_char, kitten_color);

                #IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
                draw_object(player_x, player_y, '#');
                #IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;
                draw_nonkittens();

                if (anim_finished == false) {
                        j = TopBar - 1;
                        @set_cursor 1 Width;
                        @aread junk 0 10 pause -> junk;
                } else {
                        #IFV5; style reverse; #ENDIF;
                        draw_object(player_x, player_y, '#');
                        #IFV5; style roman; #ENDIF;
                        @set_cursor 1 Width;
                }
        }
];

[ already_seen_xy x y i;
        for (i = 0: i < already_count: i++) {
                if (already_x-->already_count == x &&
                already_y-->already_count ==y) {
                        rtrue;
                }
        }
        already_x-->already_count = x;
        already_y-->already_count = y;
        already_count++;
        rfalse;
];


[ pause;
        rtrue;
];


[ init_kitten;
        kitten_x = get_random_x();
        kitten_y = get_random_y();
        kitten_color = get_random_color();

        while (already_seen_xy(kitten_x, kitten_y) == true) {
                kitten_x = get_random_x();
                kitten_y = get_random_y();
        }
        kitten_char = get_random_char();
];


[ init_robot;
        player_x = get_random_x();
        player_y = get_random_y();

        while (already_seen_xy(player_x, player_y) == true) {
                player_x = get_random_x();
                player_y = get_random_y();
        }
];      


[ init_nonkittens i;
        already_msg_count = 0;
        last_message = "";

        for (i = 0: i < nonkitten_count: i++) {
                nonkitten_x-->i = get_random_x();
                nonkitten_y-->i = get_random_y();
                nonkitten_color-->i = get_random_color();

                while (already_seen_xy(nonkitten_x-->i, 
                        nonkitten_y-->i) == true) {
                        nonkitten_x-->i = get_random_x();
                        nonkitten_y-->i = get_random_y();
                }
                nonkitten_char-->i = get_random_char();
                nonkitten_msg-->i = get_random_msg();
        }
];


[ draw_nonkittens i;
        for (i = 0: i < nonkitten_count: i++) {
                draw_object(nonkitten_x-->i,
                                nonkitten_y-->i,
                                nonkitten_char-->i,
                                nonkitten_color-->i);
        }
];


[ draw_object x y character fore back;
        @set_cursor y x;

        if (fore == "")
                fore = Back_def;
        if (back == "")
                back = Back_def;
        

        @set_colour fore Back_def;
        if (character)
                print (char) character;

        @set_colour Fore_def Back_def;

];


[ draw_horiz row i;
        @set_cursor row 1;
        for (i = 0 : i < Width : i++)
                print (char) '-';
];


[ getkey x;
        @read_char 1 -> x;
        if (x >= 'a' && x <= 'z')
                x = x - ('a' - 'A');
        return x;
];


[ get_random_char num;
        num = random(93);
        num = num + 33;
        while (num == 35) {             ! avoid choosing '#'
                num = random(93);
                num = num + 33;
        }
        return num;
];


[ get_random_msg num;
        num = random(MESSAGE_NUM);
        while (is_duplicate_msg(num) == true) {
                num = random(MESSAGE_NUM);
        }
        return num;
];

[ get_random_color num;
        num = random(7) + 2;
        ! 0 and 1 are default color and current color
        ! and we want to avoid picking the default color explicitly
        while (num == $2c-->0) {
                num = random(7) + 2;
        }
        return num;
];


[ is_duplicate_msg num i;
        for (i = 0: i < already_msg_count: i++) {
                if (already_msg-->i==num) {
                        rtrue;
                }
        }
        already_msg-->already_msg_count = num;
        already_msg_count++;
        rfalse;
];


[ get_random_x;
        return random(Width);
];


[ get_random_y num ok;
        ok = false;
        ! Make sure we don't draw in the status bar.
        while (ok == false) {
                num = random(Height);
                if (num > TopBar)
                        ok = true;
        }
        return num;
];


! This function is mainly of use to members of the robotfindskitten
! development team.
!
! When this function is uncommented and enabled in
! the menu, this will cause a script file to be emitted which contains
! all NKIs properly formatted.

![ print_all_nki num mystring;
!       @output_stream 2; @output_stream -1;
!       for (num = 1: num <= MESSAGE_NUM: num++) {
!               mystring = lookup_msg(num);
!               print (string)lookup_msg(num), "^";
!       }
!       @output_stream -2; @output_stream 1;
!];


! Note:
! @@126 == '~'
! @@64 == '@'

[ lookup_msg num;
        switch(num) {
1:      return "~I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!~, sez Mr. T.";
2:      return "That's just an old tin can.";
3:      return "It's an altar to the horse god.";
4:      return "A box of dancing mechanical pencils.  They dance!  They sing!";
5:      return "It's an old Duke Ellington record.";
6:      return "A box of fumigation pellets.";
7:      return "A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM.";
8:      return "That's just a charred human corpse.";
9:      return "I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten.";
10:     return "An empty shopping bag.  Paper or plastic?";
11:     return "Could it be... a big ugly bowling trophy?";
12:     return "A coat hanger hovers in thin air.  Odd.";
13:     return "Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm).";
14:     return "A freshly-baked pumpkin pie.";
15:     return "A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing.";
16:     return "ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!!";
17:     return "It's Richard Nixon's nose!";
18:     return "It's Lucy Ricardo. ~Aaaah, Ricky!~, she says.";
19:     return "You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act.";
20:     return "Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra.";
21:     return "It's the Will Rogers Highway.  Who was Will Rogers, anyway?";
22:     return "It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile.";
23:     return "Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him.";
24:     return "It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle.";
25:     return "Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative!";
26:     return "It's the local draft board.";
27:     return "Seven 1/4~ screws and a piece of plastic.";
28:     return "An 80286 machine.";
29:     return "One of those stupid ~Homes of the Stars~ maps.";
30:     return "A signpost saying ~TO KITTEN~.  It points in no particular direction.";
31:     return "A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole.";
32:     return "A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator.";
33:     return "It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter.";
34:     return "Just a pincushion.";
35:     return "It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity.";
36:     return "~Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize...~";
37:     return "It's just an object.";
38:     return "A mere collection of pixels.";
39:     return "A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here.";
40:     return "A marijuana brownie.";
41:     return "A plush Chewbacca.";
42:     return "Daily hunger conditioner from Australasia";
43:     return "Just some stuff.";
44:     return "Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten?";
45:     return "A glorious fan of peacock feathers.";
46:     return "It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant.";
47:     return "A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus!";
48:     return "It's the proverbial wet blanket.";
49:     return "A ~Get Out of Jail Free~ card.";
50:     return "An incredibly expensive ~Mad About You~ collector plate.";
51:     return "Paul Moyer's necktie.";
52:     return "A haircut and a real job.  Now you know where to get one!";
53:     return "An automated robot-hater.  It frowns disapprovingly at you.";
54:     return "An automated robot-liker.  It smiles at you.";
55:     return "It's a black hole.  Don't fall in!";
56:     return "Just a big brick wall.";
57:     return "You found kitten!  No, just kidding.";
58:     return "Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts.";
59:     return "A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector.";
60:     return "It's a Java applet.";
61:     return "An abandoned used-car lot.";
62:     return "A shameless plug for Crummy: http://www.crummy.com/";
63:     return "A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/";
64:     return "A can of Spam Lite.";
65:     return "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley.";
66:     return "It's scenery for ~Waiting for Godot~.";
67:     return "This grain elevator towers high above you.";
68:     return "A Mentos wrapper.";
69:     return "It's the constellation Pisces.";
70:     return "It's a fly on the wall.  Hi, fly!";
71:     return "This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not.";
72:     return "It's a banana!  Oh, joy!";
73:     return "A helicopter has crashed here.";
74:     return "Carlos Tarango stands here, doing his best impression of Pat Smear.";
75:     return "A patch of mushrooms grows here.";
76:     return "A patch of grape jelly grows here.";
77:     return "A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom!";
78:     return "A geyser sprays water high into the air.";
79:     return "A toenail?  What good is a toenail?";
80:     return "You've found the fish!  Not that it does you much good in this game.";
81:     return "A Buttertonsils bar.";
82:     return "One of the few remaining discoes.";
83:     return "Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman.";
84:     return "A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices.";
85:     return "It's nothing but a G-thang, baby.";
86:     return "IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA!";
87:     return "This was no boating accident!";
88:     return "Wait!  This isn't the poker chip!  You've been tricked!  DAMN YOU, MENDEZ!";
89:     return "A livery stable!  Get your livery!";
90:     return "It's a perpetual immobility machine.";
91:     return "~On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick.~";
92:     return "There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion.";
93:     return "The World's Biggest Motzah Ball!";
94:     return "A tribe of cannibals lives here.  They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know.";
95:     return "This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels.";
96:     return "Look out!  Exclamation points!";
97:     return "A herd of wild coffee mugs slumber here.";
98:     return "It's a limbo bar!  How low can you go?";
99:     return "It's the horizon.  Now THAT'S weird.";
100:    return "A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here.";
101:    return "A large snake bars your way.";
102:    return "A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here.";
103:    return "It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven... but why is it painted green?";
104:    return "It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! ~Bite me!~, he says.";
105:    return "Hey, look, it's war.  What is it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  Say it again.";
106:    return "It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten.";
107:    return "A flamboyant feather boa.  Now you can dress up like Carol Channing!";
108:    return "~Sure hope we get some rain soon,~ says Farmer Joe.";
109:    return "~How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?~ asks Farmer Al.";
110:    return "~Topsoil's all gone, ma,~ weeps Lil' Greg.";
111:    return "This is a large brown bear.  Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods.";
112:    return "A team of arctic explorers is camped here.";
113:    return "This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie.";
114:    return "This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps.";
115:    return "A trash compactor, compacting away.";
116:    return "This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes!";
117:    return "It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter.";
118:    return "This is a television.  On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself.";
119:    return "This balogna has a first name, it's R-A-N-C-I-D.";
120:    return "A salmon hatchery?  Look again.  It's merely a single salmon.";
121:    return "It's a rim shot.  Ba-da-boom!";
122:    return "It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky.  It's also somewhat ooky.";
123:    return "This is an anagram.";
124:    return "This object is like an analogy.";
125:    return "It's a symbol.  You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere.";
126:    return "The object pushes back at you.";
127:    return "A traffic signal.  It appears to have been recently vandalized.";
128:    return "~There is no kitten!~ cackles the old crone.  You are shocked by her blasphemy.";
129:    return "This is a Lagrange point.  Don't come too close now.";
130:    return "The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica.";
131:    return "Look, it's Fanny the Irishman!";
132:    return "What in blazes is this?";
133:    return "It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game.";
134:    return "A brain cell.  Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning.";
135:    return "Tea and/or crumpets.";
136:    return "This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it.";
137:    return "It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum.";
138:    return "This is a remote control.  Being a robot, you keep a wide berth.";
139:    return "It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire.";
140:    return "Oh boy!  Grub!  Er, grubs.";
141:    return "A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play.";
142:    return "Plenty of nothing.";
143:    return "Look at that, it's the Crudmobile.";
144:    return "Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon.";
145:    return "Two crepes, two crepes in a box.";
146:    return "An autographed copy of ~Primary Colors~, by Anonymous.";
147:    return "Another rabbit?  That's three today!";
148:    return "It's a segmentation fault.  Core dumped, by the way.";
149:    return "A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null.";
150:    return "Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale.  Arrr!";
151:    return "It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away.";
151:    return "A pizza, melting in the sun.";
152:    return "It's a ~HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York~ novelty cup.";
153:    return "A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously.";
153:    return "It's nothing but a corrupted floppy.  Coaster anyone?";
154:    return "A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you.";
155:    return "This TRS-80 III is eerily silent.";
156:    return "A toilet bowl occupies this space.";
157:    return "This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole!";
158:    return "It's a solitary vaccuum tube.";
159:    return "This corroded robot is clutching a mitten.";
160:    return "~Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'.~";
161:    return "This subwoofer was blown out in 1974.";
162:    return "Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel.";
163:    return "It's the missing chapter to ~A Clockwork Orange~.";
164:    return "It's a burrito stand flyer.  ~Taqueria El Ranchito~.";
165:    return "This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD.";
166:    return "Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos.";
167:    return "Ne'er but a potted plant.";
168:    return "A parrot, kipping on its back.";
169:    return "A forgotten telephone switchboard.";
170:    return "A forgotten telephone switchboard operator.";
171:    return "It's an automated robot-disdainer.  It pretends you're not there.";
172:    return "It's a portable hole.  A sign reads: ~Closed for the winter~.";
173:    return "Just a moldy loaf of bread.";
174:    return "A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89)  Too bad you have no lips.";
175:    return "A Swiss-Army knife.  All of its appendages are out.  (toothpick lost)";
176:    return "It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character.";
177:    return "It's a copy of ~The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy~.";
178:    return "It's ~War and Peace~ (unabridged, very small print).";
179:    return "A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit.";
180:    return "A robot comedian.  You feel amused.";
181:    return "It's KITT, the talking car.";
182:    return "Here's Pete Peterson.  His batteries seem to have long gone dead.";
183:    return "~Blup, blup, blup~, says the mud pot.";
184:    return "More grist for the mill.";
185:    return "Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs.";
186:    return "The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune.";
187:    return "It's ~Finding kitten~, published by O'Reilly and Associates.";
188:    return "Pumpkin pie spice.";
189:    return "It's the Bass-Matic '76!  Mmm, that's good bass!";
190:    return "~Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday~, pleas Andy Capp.";
191:    return "It's a tape of '70s rock.  All original hits!  All original artists!";
192:    return "You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard!";
193:    return "Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape.";
194:    return "It's the astounding meta-object.";
195:    return "Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought.  Seeing you, he bellows, ~YES SIR!~";
196:    return "...thingy???";
197:    return "It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know!";
198:    return "The letters O and R.";
199:    return "A magical... magic thing.";
200:    return "It's a moment of silence.";
201:    return "It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty.";
202:    return "It's ~Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.~";
203:    return "It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth.";
204:    return "It is a cloud shaped like an ox.";
205:    return "You see a snowflake here, melting slowly.";
206:    return "It's a big block of ice.  Something seems to be frozen inside it.";
207:    return "Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here.";
208:    return "It's a copy of ~Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance~.";
209:    return "This invisible box contains a pantomime horse.";
210:    return "A mason jar lies here open.  It's label reads: ~do not open!~.";
211:    return "A train of thought chugs through here.";
212:    return "This jar of pickles expired in 1957.";
213:    return "Someone's identity disk lies here.";
214:    return "~Yes!~ says the bit.";
215:    return "~No!~ says the bit.";
216:    return "A dodecahedron bars your way.";
217:    return "Mr. Hooper is here, surfing.";
218:    return "It's a big smoking fish.";
219:    return "You have new mail in /var/spool/robot";
220:    return "Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out.";
221:    return "A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here.";
222:    return "It's a rotten old shoe.";
223:    return "It's a hundred-dollar bill.";
224:    return "It's a Dvorak keyboard.";
225:    return "It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks.";
226:    return "Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork.";
227:    return "A broken metronome sits here, it's needle off to one side.";
228:    return "A sign reads: ~Go home!~";
229:    return "A sign reads: ~No robots allowed!~";
230:    return "It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger.";
231:    return "This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC.";
232:    return "This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie.";
233:    return "A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here.";
234:    return "Just the empty husk of a locust.";
235:    return "You disturb a murder of crows.";
236:    return "It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA.";
237:    return "It's Death.";
238:    return "It's an autographed copy of ~Secondary Colors~, by Bob Ross.";
239:    return "It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck.";
240:    return "It's a DVD of ~Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten~, region encoded for the moon.";
241:    return "It's Kieran Hervold.  Damn dyslexia!";
242:    return "A non-descript box of crackers.";
243:    return "Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine.";
244:    return "~Move along! Nothing to see here!~";
245:    return "It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin.";
246:    return "A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner.";
247:    return "A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce.  Worthless.";

! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith
!
248:    return "It's the Golden Banana of Discord!";
249:    return "The Inform Designer's Manual (4th edition)";
250:    return "A packet of pipe cleaners.";
251:    return "It's Andrew Plotkin plotting something.";
252:    return "A half-eaten cheese sandwich.";
253:    return "Clang, clang, clang goes the tranny!";
254:    return "A family of integrals are here integrating.";
255:    return "A tuft of kitten fur, but no kitten.";
256:    return "A bottle of oil!  Refreshing!";
257:    return "A shameless plug for Frotz: http://www.cs.csubak.edu/@@126dgriffi/proj/frotz/";
258:    return "Clifford Stoll is here selling Klein bottles.";
259:    return "You found the marble in the oatmeal!";
260:    return "An empty Altoids tin.";
261:    return "An empty Penguin Mints tin.";
262:    return "So, THAT's what an invisible barrier looks like!";
263:    return "A cluster of cattails are growing here.";
264:    return "A discarded bagpipe chanter reed.";
265:    return "Big Bird is here looking for Mr. Looper.";
266:    return "It's a Linux install CD.";
267:    return "You found Puppy!  Too bad this isn't ~Robot Finds Puppy~.";
268:    return "Several meters of cat5 cable.";
269:    return "A scrap of parchment bears the single word, ~meow~.";
270:    return "A puddle of chocolate sauce.";
271:    return "Your pal Floyd is here and wants to play Hucka-Bucka-Beanstalk.";
272:    return "Someone is talking to Ralph on the big white phone here.";
273:    return "'Twas brillig in the slivey-toves...";
274:    return "Darth Vader is here looking for his Teddywookie.";
275:    return "A baboon with a bassoon hoots angrily at you.";
276:    return "Catsup and Mustard all over the place!  It's the Human Hamburger!";
277:    return "Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...";
278:    return "A rancid corn dog.";
279:    return "It's a tribute to fishnet stockings.";
280:    return "A jar of Vegemite is playing hopscotch here.";
281:    return "Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!";
282:    return "A bottle of hair tonic.";
283:    return "A packet of catnip.";
284:    return "Here's Cal Worthington and his dog ~Spot~!";
285:    return "It's Uncle Doctor Hurkamur!";
286:    return "YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!!!";
287:    return "Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, Thunder Cats!!!";
288:    return "An overturned bottle of ink and lots of kitten pawprints.";
289:    return "A flyer advertising a sale at Spatula City.";
290:    return "A 540Hz tuning fork.";
291:    return "A 3-inch floppy disk.";
292:    return "Seargent Duffy is here.";
293:    return "A ball of pocket fluff.";
294:    return "A 3-sided Monty Python record.";
295:    return "A Sanrio catalog.";
296:    return "A scratching-post.";
297:    return "Butane!!!";
298:    return "An ice cube.";
299:    return "Just a cage of white mice.";
300:    return "You've found Harvey, the Wonder Hamster!";
301:    return "A jar of dehydrated water.";
302:    return "Just some swamp gas.";
303:    return "A bowl of cherries.";
304:    return "Spoon!!!";
305:    return "A sign reads ~Don't step on the Mome Raths~.";
306:    return "Dirty socks.";
307:    return "~Dogbert's tech support, how may I abuse you?~";
308:    return "A radio hisses away.  Kitten must have been here.";
309:    return "~Kilroy was here~";
310:    return "~Plexar was here~";
311:    return "~Kibo was here~";
312:    return "It's the cork to someone's lunch.";
313:    return "A piping-hot pizza.  Useless.";
314:    return "Diogenes is here demanding whisky.";
315:    return "The Monolith of Spam towers above you.";
316:    return "~Meow meow meow meow...~  How discouraging!  It's only a recording.";
317:    return "Marvin is complaining about the pain in the diodes down his left side.";
318:    return "Mr. Kamikaze and Mr. DNA are here drinking tea.";
319:    return "Rene Descarte is whistling a happy tune here.";
320:    return "Ooh, shiny!";
321:    return "It's a giant slorr!";
322:    return "A ketchup bottle (nearly empty).";
323:    return "A large pile of rubber bands.";
324:    return "A ton of feathers.";
325:    return "This nonkitten may contain peanuts.";
326:    return "A tree with some jelly nailed to it.";
327:    return "Ah, the skirl of the pipes and the rustle of the silicon...";
328:    return "You found Parakeet.  Too bad this isn't ~Robot Finds Parakeet~.";
329:    return "A ball of yarn.";
330:    return "A big chunk of frozen chocolate pudding.";
331:    return "There is no tea here.";
332:    return "An automated robot-doubter.  It doesn't believe in you.";
333:    return "A plastic model of Kitten.";
334:    return "It's Yorgle, the Yellow Dragon.";
335:    return "It's Grundle, the Green Dragon.";
336:    return "It's Rhindle, the Red Dragon.";
337:    return "An old pattern is here going on and on.";
338:    return "TV says donuts are high in fat.";
339:    return "It's a pool with a straw in it.";
340:    return "A singing frog.  Useless.";
341:    return "It's a funky beat!";
342:    return "A tiny ceramic Kitten.  It's probably not the Kitten you're looking for.";
343:    return "An oven mitt with kittens on it.";
344:    return "An empty coaxial cable spool.";
345:    return "Billions and billions of things that aren't Kitten.";
346:    return "Snarf?";
347:    return "Faboo!";
348:    return "99 bottles of beer are on a wall here.";
349:    return "Hydraulic fluid and jagged metal bits.  You recoil from the scene of carnage.";
350:    return "A bobolink is twittering a happy tune here.";
351:    return "Biscuits.";
352:    return "A blank deposit slip.";
353:    return "What's that blue thing doing here?";
354:    return "A travel-sized cyclotron.";
355:    return "A largish bath towel.";
356:    return "You found Chinchilla!  Too bad this isn't ~Robot Finds Chinchilla~.";
357:    return "A meerkat... not even close.";
358:    return "A green yo-yo.";
359:    return "A hairless rat.";
360:    return "Bright copper kettles.";

! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
! Release 3
!
361:    return "Ten yards of avocado-green shag carpet.";
362:    return "A zorkmid coin.";
363:    return "It's Babe Flathead's favorite bat.";
364:    return "It's cute like a kitten, but isn't a kitten.";
365:    return "A cyclops glowers angrily at you.";
366:    return "A discarded pop bottle.";
367:    return "Definitely not Kitten.";
368:    return "A mouse.";
369:    return "Slack!";
370:    return "A troll.  Ewww!!!";
371:    return "A tube of white lithium grease.  Perfect for your robotic joints.";
372:    return "Talcum powder.";
373:    return "A breadbox.  Nope, Kitten isn't in the breadbox.";
374:    return "An unlicensed nuclear accelerator.";
375:    return "A sub-atomic particle languishes here all alone.";
376:    return "A bowling ball with the name ~Bob~ inscribed on it.";
377:    return "A briefcase filled with spy stuff.";
378:    return "Is that an elephant's head or a winged sandal?";
379:    return "Bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy...";
380:    return "A tube of toothpaste.  Too bad you have no teeth.";
381:    return "This isn't the item you're looking for.";
382:    return "A discarded refrigerator box.  Nope, Kitten isn't in the box.";
383:    return "A paper shopping bag.  Nope, Kitten isn't in the bag.";
384:    return "A flyer reads, ~Please donate hydraulic fluid~";
385:    return "A dangly thing mangled by Kitten.";
386:    return "A crouton.";
387:    return "A patch from the Mammoth Caves.";
388:    return "A leather pouch filled with multisided dice.";
389:    return "A pair of combat boots.";
390:    return "A pile of coconuts.";
391:    return "A big bass drum bearing a hole and suspicious clawmarks.";
392:    return "It's a clue!";
393:    return "Long lost needle nose pliers.";
394:    return "A vase of roses.";
395:    return "A crystal ball.  It doesn't seem to know where Kitten is.";
396:    return "It's Princess Leia, the yodel of life.";
397:    return "Sigmund Freud is here asking about your mother.";
398:    return "BURRRRP!!!!  Flavorful and full of protein!";
399:    return "A jar of library paste.";
400:    return "These aren't ordinary beans.  They're magic beans!";
401:    return "Some sort of electronic handheld game from the 1970s.";

! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
! Release 4
!
402:    return "Just some glop of some sort.";
403:    return "A bottle of distilled water.";
404:    return "A rusty slinky.  It was such a wonderful toy!";
405:    return "Some coconut crabs are milling about here.";
406:    return "Dancing cold water pipes.  Mikey must have been here.";
407:    return "Ash is mumbling ~KLAATU BARATA NI<coughcough>~ here.";
408:    return "It's a blob of white goo.";

! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith from the
! official list of NKIs.
!
409:    return "A gravestone stands here.  ~Izchak Miller, ascended.~";
410:    return "Someone has written ~ad aerarium~ on the ground here.";
410:    return "A large blue eye floats in midair.";
411:    return "This appears to be a statue of Perseus.";
412:    return "There is an opulent throne here.";
413:    return "It's a squad of Keystone Kops.";
414:    return "This seems to be junk mail addressed to the finder of the Eye of Larn.";
415:    return "A wondrous and intricate golden amulet.  Too bad you have no neck.";
416:    return "The swampy ground around you seems to stink with disease.";
417:    return "An animate blob of acid.  Being metallic, you keep well away.";
418:    return "It's a copy of Knuth with the chapter on kitten-search algorithms torn out.";
419:    return "A crowd of people, and at the center, a popular misconception.";
420:    return "It's a blind man.  When you touch, he exclaims ~It's a kitten prospecting robot!~";
421:    return "It's a lost wallet.  It's owner didn't have pets, so you discard it.";
422:    return "This place is called Antarctica.  There is no kitten here.";
423:    return "It's a mousetrap, baited with soap.";
424:    return "A book with ~Don't Panic~ in large friendly letters across the cover.";
425:    return "A compendium of haiku about metals.";
426:    return "A discredited cosmology, relic of a bygone era.";
427:    return "A hollow voice says ~Plugh~.";
428:    return "A knight who says ~Either I am an insane knave, or you will find kitten.~";
429:    return "A neural net -- maybe it's trying to recognize kitten.";
430:    return "A screwdriver.";
431:    return "A statue of a girl holding a goose like the one in Gottingen, Germany.";
432:    return "A tetradrachm dated ~42 B.C.~";
433:    return "A voice booms out ~Onward, kitten soldiers...~";
434:    return "An eminently forgettable zahir.";
435:    return "Apparently, it's Edmund Burke.";
436:    return "For a moment, you feel something in your hands, but it disappears!";
437:    return "Here is a book about Robert Kennedy.";
438:    return "Hey, robot, leave those lists alone.";
439:    return "Ho hum.  Another synthetic a posteriori.";
440:    return "It's Asimov's Laws of Robotics.  You feel a strange affinity for them.";
441:    return "It's Bach's Mass in B-minor!";
442:    return "It's a bug.";
443:    return "It's a synthetic a priori truth!  Immanuel would be so pleased!";
444:    return "It's the Tiki Room.";
445:    return "Just some old play by a Czech playwright, and you can't read Czech.";
446:    return "Kitten is the letter 'Q'.  Oh, wait, maybe not.";
447:    return "Quidquid Latine dictum sit, kitten non est.";
448:    return "Sutro Tower is visible at some distance through the fog.";
449:    return "The Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998.";
450:    return "The United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit.";
451:    return "The non-kitten item like this but with ~false~ and ~true~ switched is true.";
452:    return "This is the chapter called ~A Map of the Cat?~ from Feynman's autobiography.";
453:    return "This is the forest primeval.";
454:    return "Werner's ~Pocket Field Guide to Things That Are Not Kitten~.";
455:    return "You found nettik, but that's backwards.";
456:    return "You have found some zinc, but you must not stop here, for you must find kitten.";
457:    return "~50 Years Among the Non-Kitten Items~, by Ann Droyd.";
458:    return "~Robot may not injure kitten, or, through inaction, ...~";
459:    return "~Address Allocation for Private Internets~ by Yakov Rekhter et al.";
460:    return "~Mail Routing and the Domain System~ by Craig Partridge.";
461:    return "~The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism~ by Emmanuel Goldstein.";
462:    return "~201 Kitten Verbs, Fully Conjugated~.  You look for ~find~.";
463:    return "A card shark sits here, practicing his Faro shuffle.  He ignores you.";
463:    return "A copy of DeCSS.  They're a dime a dozen these days.";
464:    return "A demonic voice proclaims ~There is no kitten, only Zuul~.  You flee.";
465:    return "A lotus.  You make an interesting pair.";
466:    return "A milk carton, with a black and white picture of kitten on the side.";
467:    return "Any ordinary robot could see from a mile away that this wasn't kitten.";
468:    return "A stegosaurus, escaped from the stegosaurusfindsrobot game.  It finds you.";
469:    return "Baling wire and chewing gum.";
470:    return "Chewing gum and baling wire.";
471:    return "Here is no kitten but only rock, rock and no kitten and the sandy road.";
472:    return "Hey, I bet you thought this was kitten.";
473:    return "It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three.";
474:    return "It pleases you to be kind to what appears to be kitten -- but it's not!";
475:    return "It's a blatant plug for Ogg Vorbis, http://www.vorbis.com/";
476:    return "It's a business plan for a new startup, kitten.net.";
477:    return "It's a revised business plan for a new startup, my.kitten.net.";
478:    return "It's a square.";
479:    return "It seems to be a copy of ~A Tail of Two Kitties~.";
480:    return "It's the Donation of Constantine!";
481:    return "It's this message, nothing more.";
482:    return "Lysine, an essential amino acid.  Well, maybe not for robots.";
483:    return "No kitten here.";
484:    return "The score for a Czech composer's ~Kitten-Finding Symphony in C~.";
485:    return "This looks like Bradley's ~Appearance and Reality~, but it's really not.";
486:    return "This non-kitten item no verb.";
487:    return "You feel strangely unfulfilled.";
488:    return "You hit the non-kitten item.  The non-kitten item fails to yowl.";
489:    return "You suddenly yearn for your distant homeland.";
490:    return "You've found the snows of yesteryear!  So that's where they all went to.";
491:    return "Approaching.  One car.  J.  Followed by.  Two car.  M, M.  In five. Minutes.";
491:    return "Free Jon Johansen!";
492:    return "Free Dmitry Sklyarov!";
493:    return "One person shouts ~What do we want?~ The crowd answers ~Free Dmitry!~";
494:    return "Judith Platt insults librarians.";
495:    return "This map is not the territory.";
496:    return "~Go back to Libraria!~, says Pat Schroeder.";
497:    return "This is a porcelain kitten-counter.  0, 0, 0, 0, 0...";
498:    return "An old bootable business card, unfortunately cracked down the middle.";
499:    return "A kitten sink, for washing kitten (if only kitten liked water).";
500:    return "A kitten source (to match the kitten sink).";
501:    return "If it's one thing, it's not another.";
502:    return "If it's not one thing, it's another.";
503:    return "A caboodle.";
504:    return "A grin.";
505:    return "A hedgehog.  It looks like it knows something important.";
506:    return "You've found... Oh wait, that's just a cat.";
507:    return "Robot should not be touching that.";
508:    return "Air Guitar!!!  NA na NA na!!";
509:    return "An aromatherapy candle burns with healing light.";
510:    return "You find a bright shiny penny.";
511:    return "It's a free Jon Johansen!";
512:    return "It's a free Dmitry Sklyarov!";
513:    return "The rothe hits!  The rothe hits!";
514:    return "It's an Internet chain letter about sodium laureth sulfate.";
515:    return "Ed Witten sits here, pondering string theory.";
516:    return "Something is written here in the dust.  You read: ~rJbotfndQkttten~.";
517:    return "We wish you a merry kitten, and a happy New Year!";
518:    return "Run away!  Run away!";
519:    return "You can see right through this copy of Brin's ~Transparent Society~.";
520:    return "This copy of ~Steal This Book~ has been stolen from a bookstore.";
521:    return "It's Roya Naini.";
522:    return "This kit is the fourteenth in a series of kits named with Roman letters.";
523:    return "This is the tenth key you've found so far.";
524:    return "You find a fraud scheme in which loans are used as security for other loans.";
525:    return "It's the phrase ~and her~, written in ancient Greek.";
526:    return "It's the author of ~Randomness and Mathematical Proof~.";
527:    return "It's the crusty exoskeleton of an arthropod!";
528:    return "It's Emporer Shaddam the 4th's planet!";
529:    return "It's the triangle leg adjacent to an angle divided by the leg opposite it.";
530:    return "It's a bottle of nail polish remover.";
531:    return "You found netkit!  Way to go, robot!";
532:    return "It's the ASCII Floating Head of Seth David Schoen!";
533:    return "A frosted pink party-cake, half eaten.";
534:    return "A bitchin' homemade tesla coil.";
535:    return "Conan O'Brian, sans jawbone.";
536:    return "It's either a mirror, or another soulless kitten-seeking robot.";
537:    return "Preoccupation with finding kitten prevents you from investigating further.";
538:    return "Fonzie sits here, mumbling incoherently about a shark and a pair of waterskis.";
539:    return "The ghost of your dance instructor, his face a paper-white mask of evil.";
540:    return "A bag of groceries taken off the shelf before the expiration date.";
541:    return "A book: Feng Shui, Zen: the art of randomly arranging items that are not kitten.";
542:    return "This might be the fountain of youth, but you'll never know.";
543:    return "Tigerbot Hesh.";
544:    return "Stimutacs.";
545:    return "A canister of pressurized whipped cream, sans whipped cream.";
546:    return "The non-kitten item bites!";
547:    return "A chain hanging from two posts reminds you of the Gateway Arch.";
548:    return "A mathematician calculates the halting probability of a Turing machine.";
549:    return "A number of short theatrical productions are indexed 1, 2, 3, ... n.";
550:    return "A technical university in Australia.";
551:    return "It is -- I just feel something wonderful is about to happen.";
552:    return "It's a Cat 5 cable.";
553:    return "It's a U.S. president.";
554:    return "It's a piece of cloth used to cover a stage in between performances.";
555:    return "The ionosphere seems charged with meaning.";
556:    return "This tomography is like, hella axial, man!";
557:    return "It's your favorite game -- robotfindscatan!";
558:    return "Just a man selling an albatross.";
559:    return "The intermission from a 1930s silent movie.";
560:    return "It's an inverted billiard ball!";
561:    return "The spectre of Sherlock Holmes wills you onwards.";

! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
! Release 5
!
562:    return "It's a cookie shaped like a kitten.";
563:    return "It's Professor Feedlebom.";
564:    return "A bottle of smelling salts.";
565:    return "Dinsdale!";
566:    return "An Enfield Mk3 rifle.";
567:    return "An M16 rifle.";
568:    return "An M1911A1 pistol.";
569:    return "An M9 pistol.";
570:    return "It's a gun of some sort.";
571:    return "An FN-FAL rifle.";
572:    return "An old rusty revolver.";
573:    return "An AK-47 rifle.";
574:    return "An AK-97 rifle.";
575:    return "A Remington 870 shotgun.";
576:    return "It's a NetBSD install CD.";
577:    return "It's a recursive recursive recursive recursive recursive...";
578:    return "It's Brian Kernigan.";
579:    return "It's Dennis Ritchie.";
580:    return "It's nothing in particular.";
581:    return "Just a box of backscratchers.";
582:    return "An expired transistor.";
583:    return "Air.";
584:    return "A steam-powered bunnytron.";
585:    return "Heeeeeeeeeeeeres Johnny!";
586:    return "It's a catalog from some company called Infocom.";
587:    return "A dark-emitting diode.";
588:    return "A 256 kilobyte write-only memory chip.";
589:    return "A box of brand-new nixie tubes.";
590:    return "Alien underwear.";
591:    return "A sack of hammers.";
592:    return "A sack of wet mice.";
593:    return "A sack of doorknobs.";
594:    return "A rusty melon-baller.";
595:    return "An atomic vector plotter.";
596:    return "You really don't want to know what this is.";
597:    return "A 100 meter long chain of jumbo paper clips.";
598:    return "A cockatoo shrieks at you.";
599:    return "It's Mary Poppins!";
600:    return "A slightly-used smellovision set.";
601:    return "Doodles Weaver is here looking over a horse race schedule.";
602:    return "An overflowing bit bucket.";
default: return "Unknown NKI";
        }
];