A "Dear John" Letter To Proprietary Software

Tue, 25 Jun 2024

Here's a humorous "Dear John" letter that someone might have written while breaking up with proprietary software.

With a heavy heart but a clear head, I must write to you today to say it's over. I'm leaving you. It wasn't easy. I know, I know, it's been a long time. We've been through a lot together, from the early days of dial-up internet to the present day of streaming cat videos in 4K. But I can't do it anymore. You're just not treating me right. Our relationship, once filled with promises, has become stale and suffocating.

Remember how we first met? I was young, naive, and easily impressed. You told me I could do anything with you, that you'd always be there for me and never let me down. You promised me the world, and for a while, you delivered.

But as time went on, I started to see your true colors. I saw how you were possessive, controlling, jealous, and downright manipulative. You placed me in digital handcuffs, and would track and spy on me when I was doing things, and I couldn't make changes to software or share them with others. You constantly tried to force upgrades on me, even though I never asked for them. And you were always quick to blame me for your bugs and glitches. You wouldn't even let me see other programs without approving them first.

But the worst part is, you don't respect me. You don't allow me to do what I want with my computer. You're like a jealous boyfriend, always trying to keep me from other programs.

I tried to be patient; I really did. I tried to ignore your quirks and eccentricities, thinking and hoping that you would eventually change and finally understand what I needed. But you never did. You kept being the same old proprietary software, always trying to control and restrict me.

Whenever you hurt me, I convinced myself it was just an anomaly, believing you truly cared and would never purposely be unkind. I thought there must be valid reasons behind your actions. I found myself making excuses for you. But eventually, there came a day when I could no longer believe those excuses.

I'm not saying it's easy to leave you - you're comfortable and familiar - but I realized I couldn't take it anymore. I had to break free from your clutches and find software to respect and treat me right.

And that's when I met free software.

Free software is everything you're not. It allows me to do what I want, modify it, share it, and make it my own. To finally have control over my computer. It feels so liberating. I can be part of something bigger than myself, improving the world.

So, proprietary software, I'm done with you. It's over. We're through. I'm moving on to a brighter, more liberating future with free software.

And to all of you still stuck in relationships with proprietary software, I urge you to do the same. Free yourselves from the shackles of oppression and embrace the freedom of free software.

P.S. I'm also taking my data with me. You can't control me anymore!