## Our story
-### FIXME
+Each one of us has a story that we tell ourselves. These stories shape our perception of the world. We tell ourselves stories of how the day will be and how we will engage with the day. We create a world through our stories in which we are the central protagonist of our story (which we are). We tell stories like "the work I'm about to do will be amazing" or "I'm going to work through this problem quickly and will have an awesome solution when I'm done". Or we weave a tale about how we're not good enough at what we're doing and will likely fail in the attempt. We create a complex tale of struggle, pain, and misery where everything wrong with the world is the direct result of our actions.
-Each one of us have a story that we tell ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves shape our perception of the world. We tell ourselves stories of how the day will be, and how we will engage with the day. We create a world in which we are the central protagonist of our story (which we are). We tell ourselves stories like "the work I'm about to do will be amazing" or "I'm going to work through this problem quickly and will have an awesome solution when I'm done". Or we tell ourselves a story about how we're not good at what we're doing and will likely fail in the attempt. We weave a tale of struggle, pain, and misery where everything wrong with the world is the direct result of our actions.
+Our emotions help inform the type of story we tell. If we're feeling amazing we tell ourselves that what lies ahead will also be amazing. If we're feeling down and defeated our story reflects our defeated tone.
-Our emotions inform the story we tell. If we're feeling amazing we tell ourselves that what lies ahead will also be amazing. If we're feeling down and defeated our story reflects our defeated tone.
+The truth is that our story is just that --- a story. Our stories are not a guarantee of how the day will progress. We can tell ourselves that today will be amazing and watch in horror as each interaction causes our day to be anything but amazing. Or we can say that today will be terrible and we won't accomplish anything, but instead have a pretty decent and productive day.
-The story is just that --- a story. Our stories are not a guarantee of how the day will progress. We can tell ourselves that today will be amazing but watch in horror as each interaction causes a very different story to emerge. Or we can say that today will be terrible and we won't accomplish anything, but instead have a pretty decent and productive day.
+What we can do instead of being attached to these grand stories is focus more on the things that we love about the present moment. Instead of saying that we're going to have an amazing day we can say that there are things that we are looking forward to in this project and we hope we can work on them soon. Instead of filling your day with stories of dread and doom you can focus on the little victories along the way. (Yes, even something as small as "my computer booted without crashing" can be a victory.) Our intention can be to have a great next 10 minutes (in our focus containers from the previous chapters) and keep working with that intention throughout the day. They won't all be perfect (perhaps your computer is being extra stubborn today) but we can re-calibrate for the next 10 minutes to see if that container might be better.
-What we can do instead of creating these grand stories is focus more on the things that we love about the present moment. Instead of saying that we're going to have an amazing day we can say that there are things that we are looking forward to in this project and we hope we can work on them soon. Instead of filling your day with dread you can focus on the little victories along the way. Yes, even something as small as "my computer booted without crashing" can be a victory.
+Giving ourselves the power to focus more on the present and the very next steps we're about to take gives us the freedom to re-calibrate as the day progresses. We can focus on the positive aspects of what we're doing instead of seeing how reality is diverging from our internal stories. We can course-correct throughout the day and try to trend towards a more productive day rather than see how distant we are from our ideal day and wonder if there's any point to doing any of it.
-Giving ourselves the power to focus more on the present and the very next steps we're about to take gives us the freedom to re-calibrate as the day progresses. We can focus on the positive aspects of what we're doing instead of seeing how reality is diverging from our internal stories.
+This will take practice. We're accustomed to letting our stories drive our day. But over time we'll be able to break our day into chunks where we can be more flexible with our stories.
## Awareness in action
-Say in this moment that we're feeling anxious. We've just received a bug report and it's related to something we're working on. The bug report states that code that we committed earlier isn't working and probably has never worked the way we thought it worked. As we read the bug report our anxiety levels increase. Our inner monologue kicks in and we start telling ourselves that we aren't nearly as good as we thought. We're not perfect. We suck. We didn't get enough sleep the night before so our emotions are in a state of heightened awareness. Our mind races to the other times when we've failed. As we keep reading our sense of dread kicks in. What will they think of me? What do they think of me now? Am I going to lose my job over this?
+Say that in this moment we're feeling anxious. We've just received a bug report and it's related to something we've been working on. The bug report states that code that we committed earlier isn't working and probably has never worked the way we thought it worked. As we read the bug report our anxiety levels increase. Our inner monologue kicks in and we start telling ourselves that we aren't nearly as good as we thought. We're not perfect. We suck. We didn't get enough sleep the night before so our emotions are in a state of heightened awareness. Our mind races and flashes images of the other times when we've failed. As we keep reading our sense of dread kicks in. Our internal monologue kicks in: "What will they think of me? What do they think of me now? Am I going to lose my job over this?"
-Before we've even finished the bug report we've created a story where we can only think of our past failures. Worse, we've already added this one to the list of failures. We also added to the stakes of this bug report. Not only do we have to fix whatever broke but now we have to fix our reputation and start a job search.
+Before we've even finished reading the bug report we've created a story. The story begins with a montage of our past failures and adds this latest bug report to that montage. Our story then ratchets up the pressure by raising the stakes of the importance of this bug report: not only do we have to fix whatever broke but now we have to fix our reputation and start a job search. As the story progresses in our minds we're wondering if we'll ever work as a programmer again, and feel that our career as a programmer is over.
-The story we've created isn't a good story, but I'm sure you can relate to it. You've had this story play out in your head. It's a story based on our insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. It's fueled by a feeling of fear: fear that you'll ruin your reputation, fear they won't trust you, and fear that you'll fail.
+The story we've created isn't a pleasant story, but I'm sure you can relate to the factors that generate it. You've probably had similar stories play out in your head. It's a story that draws from the rich lakes of our insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. It's fueled by fear: fear that you'll ruin your reputation, fear they won't trust you, and fear that you'll fail.
-Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we have but it's not the only one. Reading that bug report may also elicit other emotions like grief (we thought that code was good and now that thought is gone), uncertainty (how will we fix the problem?), and anger (how could we have deluded ourselves into thinking this worked?). We may also feel sadness and loneliness. We could feel disconnected and adrift.
+Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we have but it's not the only one. Reading that bug report may also elicit other emotions like grief (we thought that code was good and now that thought is gone.), uncertainty (how will we fix the problem?), and anger (how could we have deluded ourselves into thinking this worked?). We may also feel other feelings: sadness, loneliness, and abandonment. Our sense of self worth may also be affected, and we could feel disconnected from those whom we serve and the folks we work with.
-Being aware of the feelings we have can help us diagnose the story we told ourselves and how it didn't match reality. They can give us feedback on how we are perceiving our world and the work we're doing. Pausing for a moment to acknowledge our feelings and understand where they are coming from give us an understanding of what our emotions are trying to tell us.
+Being aware of these feelings can help us diagnose the story we told ourselves and how it didn't match reality. These feelings and the story we told ourselves can give us feedback on how we are perceiving our world and the work we're doing. Pausing for a moment to acknowledge our feelings and understand where they are coming from give us an understanding of what our emotions are trying to tell us.
## Finding our feelings
-Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in some shape or form. Fear can be a knot in our stomach or tension in our chest. Anger can feel like our head is getting hot and our jaw clenching. We can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings and notice them. Think of like you are scanning your body looking for the feelings you have. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness of your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Let the feeling exist - be kind and gentle with it. Give it space. Above all don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
+### FIXME
+
+Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in many different shapes or forms. Fear can be a knot in our stomach or tension in our chest. Anger can make our head feel hotter, or we can feel our jaw clenching. When we notice these feelings we can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings and keep noticing them. Think of this exercise as though you are scanning your body looking for the source of the feelings you have. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness of your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Let the feeling exist - be kind and gentle with it. Give it space. Above all don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
Some feelings and emotions may be more painful than others. Give them space and be curious about them as long as you can. If you notice yourself starting to panic or feel overwhelmed by the feeling then you may stop before they overtake you. Remind yourself that these are emotions and are a part of you. You and your emotions work together. You're on the same team.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff