More on asking for help

[themediocreprogrammer.git] / chapter07.md

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 ## Reaching out for help
 
+I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I know from my own experience that I have struggled with asking for help. Part of this reluctance was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I felt that if I asked for help it might diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as not being as good as people thought I was. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I asked for help the question I received wasn't "why don't you know this?", rather it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face. 
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+Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions, though. Question-asking is an area of help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a low risk associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling. We may even need a whole other support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress.
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+Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors, but the most common one is our desire to be comfortable.
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 ## Giving up
 
 Programmers don't like to think about giving up. We work on machines that have so many possibilities that we feel we should be able to make anything work on them. But sometimes we don't want to see those possibilities. Sometimes we look at the list of things we should be learning and wonder if it's all worth the effort. We look at lists of job prospects for our set of skills and see that the only fit for those skills is nothing but work that we find meaningless. People learning to program ask us what it's like to be a programmer and we wonder if it's OK to tell them that we're not happy with our decision and crush their dreams this early in their careers. The joy that sustained us into learning the craft disappears and we're left wondering if we will ever cultivate that feeling again.