More on asking for help

[themediocreprogrammer.git] / chapter07.md

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 ## Reaching out for help
 
+I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I know from my own experience that I have struggled with asking for help. Part of this reluctance was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I felt that if I asked for help it might diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as not being as good as people thought I was. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I asked for help the question I received wasn't "why don't you know this?", rather it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face. 
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+Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions, though. Question-asking is an area of help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a low risk associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling. We may even need a whole other support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress.
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+Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors, but the most common one is our desire to be comfortable.
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-One of the most challenging aspects of programming that I've seen is in reaching out and asking others for help. We tend to avoid it because we don't want to seem foolish or less of a capable programmer. We might have had instances where we've asked for help only to be told that we didn't do enough research into the issue we're having. It's difficult for us to admit that we need to rely on others for support. Often there's the feeling that asking questions or asking for help is a sign of weakness. If we can't do everything on our own then perhaps we're unworthy of being considered a programmer. We begin to attack our knowledge and consider ourselves a fraud for needing external support. Or we worry that we'll become a burden for asking for so much help when we struggle. 
 
-This can also be magnified if you've had issues with learning in the past or are suffering from PTSD, chronic fatigue, or any number of physical, mental, or emotional constraints. 
 
 ## Giving up