## Reaching out for help
+I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I've struggled with asking for help. Part of my reluctance with asking for help was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I thought that by asking for help I would diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as a fraud and an impostor. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I did ask for help the response I received wasn't "why don't you know this?"; it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism or surprise for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face.
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### FIXME
-One of the most challenging aspects of programming that I've seen is in reaching out and asking others for help. We tend to avoid it because we don't want to seem foolish or less of a capable programmer. We might have had instances where we've asked for help only to be told that we didn't do enough research into the issue we're having. It's difficult for us to admit that we need to rely on others for support. Often there's the feeling that asking questions or asking for help is a sign of weakness. If we can't do everything on our own then perhaps we're unworthy of being considered a programmer. We begin to attack our knowledge and consider ourselves a fraud for needing external support. Or we worry that we'll become a burden for asking for so much help when we struggle.
+Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions. How to ask questions is the area of seeking help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a lowest risks associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress.
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+Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors, but the most common factor is our desire to be comfortable. Asking for help means putting ourselves into a position of vulnerability and hoping that the person we're asking for help will treat us with kindness and dignity. This is especially true when we don't know the person we're asking, or if the person is a medical professional. But it can also be necessary, especially if we're facing situations where what we're facing is out of our control or experience. If we're facing the prospect of burning out we may need to ask a doctor / therapist for better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain then we may need to talk with others in our community to see if we're the only ones experiencing this feeling.
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+It's cliche to say "there's no shame in asking for help" but it bears repeating. We can't do everything on our own and need the help of others. Even if it's something as simple as someone saying "wow, that sucks" that's at least a connection with someone else who understands what we're going through. Finding someone who is willing to listen, empathize, and commiserate can be the difference between feeling like we're not alone and feeling like we've been abandoned.
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+We also need to recognize when our support systems aren't supporting us any longer. If we find that simply taking about a problem isn't giving us resolution we may need to find other means of help. You may recognize that you need some additional support, but it's far more common for folks to believe that they can do it all on their own. Only you know your situation and only you know if you're being honest with yourself and if you're deluding yourself. And if you're deluding yourself then only you can take the initiative to seek out the help that you need. Nobody else knows your inner-workings better than you.
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-This can also be magnified if you've had issues with learning in the past or are suffering from PTSD, chronic fatigue, or any number of physical, mental, or emotional constraints.
## Giving up
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff