## Burnout
-As we're doing our emotional triage we can also recognize our feelings of burnout.
+One thing that our emotional triage can help us diagnose is feeling burned out. Burnout is a collection of emotions coupled with emotional and physical exhaustion.
-(Discuss feelings of burnout)
+Burnout can manifest itself in different ways. For some it may be the feeling of dread for working on a project. They feel like they are ineffectual in making any changes. For others burnout can be feelings of exhaustion. They feel as though they're on a treadmill that just will not stop and they wanted to stop a long time ago. Burnout can also manifest in feeling creatively drained, where imagining a different future is difficult and nothing that you do is interesting.
+
+Burnout can be something as simple as boredom or being overworked but it can also be the sign of something more serious. Burnout can lead to physical complications if we're not careful. We can work ourselves to exhaustion and think that's just part of the price we have to pay as programmers.
+
+Burnout is tricky to self-diagnose because it is a collection of seemingly unrelated emotions. Our feelings of boredom, fear, exhaustion, and anxiety can all have different root causes, but when we couple them together with unrelenting working schedules we amplify them. Left unchecked and unexamined we can lead ourselves into places where we don't want to program anymore. We can cause ourselves more undue suffering by just "powering through it" which can lead us to compound our emotional state.
+
+There are some things we can do to understand and help alleviate burnout:
+
+1. Realize that we're burned out, or about to burn out. Acknowledging that we're about to burn out is key to not experiencing the burnout. That seems simple enough but we tend to realize it when we're in it. If we can recognize that we're about to burn out then we can take measures to avoid it. And if we realize that we've burned out we can take measures to be kind to ourselves and help ourselves out of this burned-out state.
+1. Examine our emotions. Sit for a while and see what emotions come into view. Are we feeling stress, fear, anxiety, nervousness, or anger? See what feelings emerge and recognize these feelings. Examine where these feelings are coming from and what might be triggering these emotions.
+1. Re-negotiate our commitments. Many times burnout is the result of overcommitment, whether to others or ourselves. We have too much to do and despite our best efforts we can't meet the obligations. Perhaps they were too aggressive, or something caused the world to change when the plan was made. Whatever the reason we may need to re-evaluate what is expected of us and what we are capable of doing. And if we see that we've created an intractable situation for ourselves then we need to figure out how to cut away some of these obligations.
+1. Give our drive a rest. Unlike our mechanical counterparts we need downtime and rest. We can't work a straight 8 hours without at least some moments where we aren't working. Programming demands a lot of mental bandwidth and pushing ourselves to exhaustion can lead to emotional instability, stress, and burnout.
+1. Examine if this is truly how we want to live our lives. We need to be aware if what we're doing is really what we want to be doing. If we're not happy doing this then every moment we do this can compound our feelings of unhappiness. If we look deep in ourselves and feel nothing but dread for our current situation then we may need to renegotiate our commitments. That can be something as simple as agreeing not to learn something right now, or can be as complex as taking on different work or changing careers.
+
+By understanding that we're headed toward burnout (or are burned-out already) we can take measures to course-correct so we can approach our programming practice with joy and enthusiasm. Sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating what we're doing can help us not sit in the constant loops of frustration, anger, and guilt. Changing our story to better fit reality can keep us from trying to match an impossible dream.
+
+You will experience burnout in your programming career. Things will come at you that will overwhelm your ability to cope with them. You will find yourself stuck in loops wondering if this is really what you should be doing. Understanding what you're feeling and acknowledging your feelings as valid is the first step to changing the course from one of burnout and stress. Programming shouldn't be drudgery (no work should be drudgery). There should be something in your programming day that keeps you motivated, and helps you grow your skills. Adding bits of learning, joy and wonder (along with periods of downtime) will help sustain you through the emotional turbulence that awaits.
+
+## Giving up
+
+Programmers don't like to think about giving up. We work on machines that have so many possibilities that we feel we should be able to make things work. But sometimes we can't see those possibilities. Sometimes we look at the list of things we should be learning and wonder if it's all worth it. We look at lists of job prospects and see nothing but meaningless work. Students ask us what it's like to be a programmer and we wonder if it's OK to crush their dreams this early in their careers. The joy that sustained us into learning the craft disappears and we're left wondering if we will ever cultivate that feeling again.
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+Programming isn't for everyone. There are times when I've wondered if I should be working as a programmer. I feel as though I can't learn everything that I need to know, and wonder if what I'm learning will not matter because in 10 seconds everything out there will have completely changed. I struggle looking at job positions that seem like they won't matter in 3 years, let alone 100. I feel like the computing future I was promised never happened and we're stuck in a world where computers are little more than levers for companies to pry open the wallets of their customers.
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+It's easy to become fatalistic about the practice of programming but I've realized that there's more to computing and programming than what I see in the job market.
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+Part of the joy of programming is the curiosity. If we can continually tap into that curiosity then we have so many avenues to explore. From game programming to some of the more esoteric languages there are always topics and ideas to discover. What the job market uses is but a fraction of what is out there. There's also a whole host of emulators and retro-computers available with good documentation. One of the things that I'm curious about is how older computers work. But there are also newer, lower-powered machines out there in the embedded space that are fascinating to look at and understand.
+
+But there can also be the realization that there's no joy left in programming. The thought of programming no longer excites us and even the thought of trying something new fills us with dread. We no longer want to even try. What then?
+
+If we no longer find joy in programming then we need to understand why we feel that way. Perhaps we're tired and have been through a project that drained all of the fun and excitement of programming. Or we found that the communities in our area and online are hostile and unwelcoming. Maybe we thought programming would be fun but every time we start we wish we were doing something / anything else instead.
+
+Programming is not for everyone. I strongly feel that programming is something that is best when you really want to do it. But if you're stuck in a situation where you don't want to do this anymore then it's perfectly reasonable to step away from it and give up. There's no shame in this at all - many programmers have decided they lost the spark and the desire and have gone into other fields. Stepping away from the computer is perfectly fine.
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+It's OK to walk away from programming and do something else. Programming is only one facet of our lives. True, it may be a big facet, and it may feel scary to give up something that we've worked so hard to accomplish. But if we examine our feelings and realize that we're just going through the motions, or see that we're no longer finding any joy in programming then it's time to think about what else we can be doing with our lives. We're granted a limited amount of time to live our lives and doing something we don't enjoy robs us of a meaningful life.
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+Giving up doesn't have to be a negative experience. Taking time away from being a programmer is perfectly fine and is not a mark of shame. Plenty of programmers have taken a "sabbatical" from programming to allow themselves to explore other interests and recharge themselves. Breaking the loop of negative experiences in programming can help us clearly see what we want out of programming and a programming career. It can help confirm our innermost feelings about programming and see if it's right for us to pursue any further.
+
+There are several fears that can keep us from making this break with programming. The first fear goes by the fancy name of the "sunk cost fallacy". This fallacy is the belief that we have invested too much time and effort that will be wasted if we quit. I would argue that learning any sort of programming is not a wasted skill and can be applied to many facets of our lives, such as simplifying tasks into manageable steps, and basic Boolean logic.
+
+The second fear is that if we stop programming that we are letting down our fellow programmers in some way. This one is tricky because we might be on a team where we have a large load of tasks to complete and our decision to quit may mean these tasks won't get done the way we wanted them to get done. Or we may fear that our absence will cause harm to the enterprise and its eventual collapse. This fear requires us to choose between which is more important: our well-being or the well-being of others. It also requires us to explore whether those fears are true or whether they are groundless. Are we really that irreplaceable or can someone take our place? Sometimes the answer may be "no, but I need to do this for me or I will cause harm to both of us if this continues". Thinking in terms of the well-being of both you and the organizations you belong to in longer-term prospect may help you make this decision.
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+The third fear deals with our own personal fears of identity and the memory of our community. If we decide to stop being a programmer will that somehow erase a part of our identity. Will our community stop identifying us as a programmer and will we lose contact with folks that have become friends, colleagues, and such. Again, this is tricky to overcome because programming may be a large part of the identity you crafted for yourself. Letting go of that can lead to you feeling less like yourself. And the fear that folks will stop calling you for programming projects can be compounded if you feel that you might just need a break from programming and may wish to return.
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+Each of these fears is a valid fear, but they may not be the truth. We can't control how others perceive us or how organizations move on without us. What we can control is our participation in each of these communities. We can determine if a hard break from programming would be better than gradually easing ourselves out of our commitments. We can clarify to others what our current standing is and if this is something that is permanent or temporary. But what is most important is that we don't let others persuade us into doing something that is harmful to us. If we need to stop programming because we are emotionally drained and burned out then we need to make it clear to others that we will be doing them a disservice if we continue.
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+Mature communities will understand the need to stop programming and walk away. They will understand that your mental and emotional well-being is more important for you than their needs to continue. And they will be able to piece together what needs to be done and heal from your absence. It is natural and normal for folks to move on from organizations and pursue other priorities.
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+What's important to remember is that it's OK not to be a programmer and to turn off that portion of your being. Whether or not that is a permanent change is up to you and your desires. Programming is hard enough. Feeling emotionally drained, uninspired, and burned out is counterproductive to your programming exercise. Taking a break from programming to explore other interests is natural and doesn't mean you're less of a programmer for wanting to recharge yourself. And should you realize that you are happiest when you're not programming then we can appreciate the time that you were a programmer and promise to meet again someday should you return.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff