You might already know what is causing these emotions and emotional state and be afraid of exploring them. Some emotions may overwhelm us and make us feel in ways that we don't want to feel. This is especially true for emotions related to anxiety and PTSD. Do as much of exploration and introspection as you are able, and be gentle with yourself. Remember, you're not trying to change the emotions, only to notice them. You may find that your gentle prodding of these emotions can lead you to better understand them. Be as brave as you can with these emotions and if they start to overwhelm you then pull back and let the residue of those feelings subside before continuing.
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## Our story
Each of us has a story we tell ourselves. These stories shape our perception of the world. We tell ourselves stories of how the day will be and how we will engage with the day. We create a world through our stories in which we are the central protagonist of our story. We tell stories such as "the work I'm about to do will be amazing" or "I'm going to work through this problem quickly and will have an awesome solution when I'm done". That's if we're being positive with ourselves. When we're being negative with ourselves our stories weave a tale about how we're not good enough at what we're doing and will likely fail in the attempt. Those stories create a complex tale of struggle, pain, and misery where everything wrong with the world is the direct result of our actions.
You can relax now. The bug report in this book isn't real, but take a moment to recognize the feelings that you felt when you read the above section and notice where your mind went. That's the kind of awareness we're seeking to have.
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## Finding our feelings
-Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in many different ways. Fear can be a knot in our stomach or tension in our chest. Anger can make our jaw clench or make our head feel hotter than normal. Sadness can feel like a weight upon our shoulders, or make us feel tired. When we notice these feelings we can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings while we keep noticing them. Think of this exercise as though you are scanning your body for the source of the feelings you're having. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness of your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Notice any other attributes about that feeling: color, texture, intensity, or any other attributes you're experiencing. Let the feeling exist --- be kind and gentle with it. Allow it to exist without judgment. Give it space. Above all don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
+Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in many different ways. Fear can be a knot in our stomachs or tension in our chests. Anger can make our jaws clench or make our heads feel hotter than normal. Sadness can feel like a weight upon our shoulders, or make us feel tired. When we notice these feelings we can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings while we keep noticing them.
-Some feelings and emotions are be more painful or traumatic than others. Give them space and let yourself be curious about them for as long as you are able to. If you notice yourself starting to panic or feeling overwhelmed by these feelings then you may stop noticing them before they overtake you. Remind yourself that these are emotions and those emotions are a part of you. You and your emotions work together to help you. You're both on the same team.
+Think of this exercise as though you are scanning your body for the source of the feelings you're having. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness in your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Notice any other attributes about that feeling: color, texture, intensity, or any other attributes you're experiencing. Let the feeling exist --- be kind and gentle with it. Allow it to exist without judgment. Give it space. Above all, don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside, but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
-This exercise isn't about dwelling on or punishing yourself with your feelings. If the act of noticing these feelings causes you to experience physical or emotional pain then you may need help from a professional or a support group to help guide you in understanding these feelings and where they come from. They can help you to have those feelings without having those feelings overwhelm you. There is no shame in finding others to help you along your journey.
+Some feelings and emotions are more painful or traumatic than others. Give them space and let yourself be curious about them for as long as you are able. If you notice your mind starting to panic or feeling overwhelmed by these feelings then you may stop noticing them before they overtake you. Remind yourself that these are emotions and those emotions are a part of you. You and your emotions work together to help you. You're both on the same team.
+
+This exercise isn't about dwelling on or punishing yourself with your feelings. If the act of noticing these feelings causes you to experience physical or emotional pain then you may need help from a professional or a support group to help guide you in understanding these feelings and where they come from. A professional or a support group can help you have those feelings without having those feelings overwhelm you. There is no shame in finding others to help you along your journey.
## Emotional Triage
One of our learned behaviors with our feelings is to run away from them or try to suppress them. We do our best to avoid feelings that make us unhappy or uncomfortable. We also try to hold back our positive feelings lest we show too much exuberance. This can lead us to be confused or conflicted about what we're feeling and why we're feeling that way. By sitting with our feelings and emotions and understanding where they're coming from we can get a clearer idea of what our mind is thinking and the story we're telling ourselves.
-Think of this practice as emotional triage. Hopefully you've never had to go to a hospital emergency room, but if you have you'll see a whole array of medical professionals who are trained to diagnose what just walked through the door and determine the severity of the problem. When we recognize and reflect on our emotions we too are diagnosing what emotions we're having and the severity of those emotions. We take these moments when we're having these emotions to determine what the emotions are and what triggered those emotions. As we review our emotions we are gentle with them and recognize them for what they are. A good medical professional doesn't impose their own desires on the patient; they simply accept the patient for who they are, diagnose what the patient is experiencing, and act accordingly. When we recognize our emotions for what they are and determine where they are coming from we can better understand what we're facing.
+Think of this practice as emotional triage. Hopefully you've never had to go to a hospital emergency room, but if you have you'll see a whole array of medical professionals who are trained to diagnose what just walked through the door and determine the severity of the problem. When we recognize and reflect on our emotions we too are diagnosing what emotions we're having and the severity of those emotions. We take these moments when we're experiencing these emotions to determine what the emotions are and what triggered them. As we review our emotions we are gentle with them and recognize them for what they are. A good medical professional doesn't impose their own desires on the patient; they simply accept the patient for who they are, diagnose what the patient is experiencing, and act accordingly. When we recognize our emotions for what they are and determine where they are coming from we can better understand what we're facing.
-The more we do this practice the better we'll become at recognizing our emotions and why we're having them. We'll be better able to notice what we're feeling and understand why we're feeling that way. When we feel anxious we can recognize that feeling might be because we're exploring an area of programming where we don't fully know what we're doing. We can feel that anxiety for a bit (don't try to chase it away) and then think about what we're currently working on and how we can explore those areas that are new to us. We can then mentally note those areas or write them down (preferably in a journal) so that when we complete what we're doing we can review the areas that caused us anxiety.
+The more we do this practice the better we'll become at recognizing our emotions and why we're having them. We'll be better able to notice what we're feeling and understand why we're feeling that way. When we feel anxious we can recognize that it might be because we're exploring an area of programming that we don't fully understand. We can feel that anxiety for a bit (don't try to chase it away) and then think about what we're currently working on and how we can explore those areas that are new to us. We can then mentally note those areas or write them down (preferably in a journal) so that when we complete what we're doing we can review the areas that caused us anxiety.
-With this practice we can turn our emotions from something that drives us into something that guides us. We can use our emotions as a tool to better calibrate our internal stories. We can re-frame our stories about how we're unworthy of being called programmers and instead give ourselves the intention that we're going to spend the next 10 minutes exploring this area of our work and find where the gaps are. We can set an intention to be curious about where this next 10 minutes will lead us. As we continue to explore these topics we'll notice our emotions and use those emotions to let us know where we feel we need to improve and adapt. This will allow us to change our plans as needed and address those areas we feel are lacking or need improvement. This cycle continues with each practice container, with our emotions acting as a barometer for our comfort level with this topic, and helping us draft a road-map for how best to proceed. We transform our discomfort and anxiety from things that hinder our progress into indicators of where we feel we need to focus our attention.
+With this practice we can turn our emotions from something that drives us into something that guides us. We can use our emotions as tools to better calibrate our internal stories. We can re-frame our stories about how we're unworthy of being called programmers and instead give ourselves the intention that we're going to spend the next 10 minutes exploring this area of our work and finding where the gaps are. We can set an intention to be curious about where this next 10 minutes will lead us. As we continue to explore these topics we'll notice our emotions and use those emotions to let us know where we feel we need to improve and adapt. This will allow us to change our plans as needed and address those areas we feel are lacking or need improvement. This cycle continues in each practice container, with our emotions acting as a barometer for our comfort level with this topic, and helping us draft a road-map for how best to proceed. We transform our discomfort and anxiety from things that hinder our progress into indicators of where we feel we need to focus our attention.
## Burnout
-One feeling our emotional triage can help us diagnose is the feeling of being burned out. Burnout is a collection of emotions coupled with emotional and physical exhaustion. Burnout can be something as simple as being bored or overworked but it can also be the sign of something more serious. It can lead to physical or mental complications if we're not careful. We can work ourselves into serious levels of exhaustion and delude ourselves into believing it's part of the cost of being a programmer.
+One thing our emotional triage can help us diagnose is the feeling of being burned out. Burnout is a collection of emotions coupled with emotional and physical exhaustion. Burnout can be something as simple as being bored or overworked, but it can also be the sign of something more serious. It can lead to physical or mental complications if we're not careful. We can work ourselves into serious levels of exhaustion and delude ourselves into believing it's part of the cost of being a programmer.
-Burnout manifests itself in different ways. For some it may be the feeling of dread while working on a project. They feel like they are ineffectual in making any changes. For others burnout can be feeling exhausted. They feel as though they're on a treadmill that will not stop. Worse, they wanted that treadmill to stop a long time ago. Burnout can also manifest in feeling creatively drained, where imagining a different future is difficult and things that were once inspiring or interesting no longer generate that spark.
+Burnout manifests itself in different ways. For some it may be the feeling of dread while working on a project. They feel like they are ineffectual in making any changes. For others burnout can be feeling exhausted. They feel as though they're on a treadmill that will not stop. Worse, they wanted that treadmill to stop a long time ago. Burnout can also manifest in feelings of being creatively drained, where imagining a different future is difficult and things that were once inspiring or interesting no longer generate that spark.
Burnout is tricky to self-diagnose because it is a collection of seemingly unrelated emotions. Our feelings of boredom, fear, exhaustion, and anxiety can all have different root causes, but when we combine those feelings with an unrelenting work schedule and loss of control we amplify those feelings. Left unchecked we can lead ourselves into trying to numb out those feelings. We'll find ourselves not wanting to program anymore, and resent ourselves for ever getting into programming in the first place. We can cause ourselves more undue suffering by just "powering through it" which can lead us to compound and complicate our emotional state.
1. Realize that we're burned out, or about to burn out. Acknowledging that we're about to burn out is key to not experiencing the burnout. That seems simple enough but we tend to ignore the symptoms when we're nearing the throes of burnout. If we can recognize that we're about to burn out then we can take measures to avoid it. And if we realize that we're burned out we can take measures to be kind to ourselves and help ourselves out of this burned-out state.
1. Examine our emotions. Sit for a while and notice what emotions come into view. Are we feeling stress, fear, anxiety, nervousness, or anger? Notice what feelings emerge and recognize these feelings. Examine where these feelings are coming from and what might be triggering these emotions.
-1. Re-negotiate our commitments. Many times burnout is the result of over commitment, whether to ourselves or others. We always have too much to do and despite our best efforts we will always acquire new obligations. Perhaps the plans we made were too aggressive, or something changed in the world that disrupted our plans. Whatever the reasons we may need to re-evaluate what is expected of us and what we are capable of doing. If we see that we've created an intractable situation for ourselves we need to figure out how to remove some of these obligations or re-negotiate them.
-1. Give our "drive" a rest. Unlike our mechanical counterparts we need downtime and rest. We can't work a straight 8 or more hours without at least some moments where we aren't working. Programming demands a lot of mental bandwidth and pushing ourselves to exhaustion can lead to emotional instability, stress, and burnout.
-1. Examine if this is truly how we want to live our lives. We need to be aware if what we're doing is really what we want to be doing. If we're not happy with what we're doing then every moment we continue doing this can compound our feelings of unhappiness. If we look deep in ourselves and feel nothing but dread in our current situation then we may need to renegotiate our commitments. That can be something as simple as agreeing not to learn something right now, or can be as complex as taking on different work or changing careers.
+1. Re-negotiate our commitments. Many times burnout is the result of over commitment, whether to ourselves or others. We always have too much to do, and despite our best efforts we will always acquire new obligations. Perhaps the plans we made were too aggressive, or something changed in the world that disrupted our plans. Whatever the reasons we may need to re-evaluate what is expected of us and what we are capable of doing. If we see that we've created an intractable situation for ourselves we need to figure out how to remove some of these obligations or re-negotiate them.
+1. Give our "drive" a rest. Unlike our mechanical counterparts we need downtime and rest. We can't work a straight eight or more hours without at least some moments where we aren't working. Programming demands a lot of mental bandwidth and pushing ourselves to exhaustion can lead to emotional instability, stress, and burnout.
+1. Examine if this is truly how we want to live our lives. We need to determine if what we're doing is really what we want to be doing. If we're not happy with what we're doing then every moment we continue doing it can compound our feelings of unhappiness. If we feel nothing but dread for our current situation then we may need to renegotiate our commitments. That can be something as simple as agreeing not to learn something right now, or can be as complex as taking on different work or changing careers.
By understanding that we're headed toward burnout (or are burned-out already) we can take measures to course-correct so we can approach our programming practice with joy and enthusiasm. Sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating what we're doing can help us not sit in the constant loops of frustration, anger, and guilt. Changing our story to better fit reality can keep us from trying to match an impossible dream.
-I mentioned before about re-negotiating commitments. Often we'll get ourselves into situations where we'll have way more to do than is physically possible, even under the best of circumstances. This may be in part because we've said "yes" to too many things, or because we're being swamped with work commitments (a large high priority project, or several smaller projects that need urgent attention). The best way to renegotiate your work load is to review your work load and notice which tasks feel urgent and which ones feel important. Note which ones fall into those two categories. Next mark the due date (as best you can) of each of these tasks. If you have more than three urgent and important items and they're all due later this week then it's likely you're overworked and will need to renegotiate those commitments. You may feel that you are capable of doing all of these things but if you're already feeling stressed, tired, and burned out then you'll only compound those feeling by trying to meet these deadlines. If you can, find out if you can move some of these deadlines to next week, or check with your customers if these are really as urgent and important as you think they are. If they are urgent or important then find out if your management can assist you with other resources, or if they can intervene to renegotiate these deadlines and priorities. If you're truly stuck (management won't budge and the customers won't renegotiate the commitments) then you have some decisions to make about how important their priorities are versus your own capabilities. There's the temptation to say that your management and your customer's priorities are more important than your own priorities (their income contributes to making your lifestyle possible) but your own health and well-being should have more weight in your decision than their priorities and deadlines. Perhaps you can negotiate some down-time after this period so you can rest, relax, and regain your strength and mental acuity before being plunged into a similar situation.
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+I mentioned before about re-negotiating commitments. We often get ourselves into situations where we have way more to do than is physically possible, even under the best of circumstances. This may be in part because we've said "yes" to too many things, or because we're being swamped with work commitments, such as a large high priority project, or several smaller projects that need urgent attention. The best way to renegotiate your work load is to review your work load and notice which tasks feel "urgent" and which ones feel "important". Take out a sheet of paper or open up a text document and create two categories: "urgent" and "important". Note which tasks fall into those two categories. Next mark the due date (as best you can) of each of these tasks. If you have more than three urgent and important items and they're all due this week then it's likely you're overworked and will need to renegotiate those commitments. You may feel that you are capable of doing all of these things but if you're already feeling stressed, tired, and burned out then you'll only compound those feeling by trying to meet the deadlines. If you can, find out if you can move some of these deadlines to next week, or check with your customers if these are really as urgent and important as you think they are. If they are urgent or important then find out if your management can assist you with other resources, or if they can intervene to renegotiate these deadlines and priorities. If you're truly stuck (management won't budge and the customers won't renegotiate the commitments) then you have some decisions to make about how important their priorities are versus your own capabilities. There's the temptation to say that your management and your customer's priorities are more important than your own priorities (their income contributes to making your lifestyle possible) but your own health and well-being should have more weight in your decision than their priorities and deadlines. Perhaps you can negotiate some down-time after this period so you can rest, relax, and regain your strength and mental acuity before being plunged into a similar situation.
Learning to say "no" is an important skill as a programmer. Too often we regard ourselves as super-beings that can do anything, in part because the computers we work on seem like they can do anything. Unfortunately we have finite physical and emotional resources, so learning to pick and choose the projects that are most important to us (depending on our own internal criteria) will help sustain us as we progress through our programming careers. If we say "yes" to everything that someone pitches to us then we'll have less time to work on things that really matter to us. We'll be at the mercy of folks whose priorities and desires do not match our own. The most effective way to burn-out on programming is to spend all of your energy working on projects that don't match your own priorities and desires.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff