-
-[ lookup_msg num;
- switch(num) {
-1: return "~I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!~, sez Mr. T.";
-2: return "That's just an old tin can.";
-3: return "It's an altar to the horse god.";
-4: return "A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing!";
-5: return "It's an old Duke Ellington record.";
-6: return "A box of fumigation pellets.";
-7: return "A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM.";
-8: return "That's just a charred human corpse.";
-9: return "I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten.";
-10: return "An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic?";
-11: return "Could it be... a big ugly bowling trophy?";
-12: return "A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd.";
-13: return "Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm).";
-14: return "A freshly-baked pumpkin pie.";
-15: return "A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing.";
-16: return "ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!!";
-17: return "It's Richard Nixon's nose!";
-18: return "It's Lucy Ricardo. ~Aaaah, Ricky!~, she says.";
-19: return "You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act.";
-20: return "Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra.";
-21: return "It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway?";
-22: return "It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile.";
-23: return "Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him.";
-24: return "It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle.";
-25: return "Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative!";
-26: return "It's the local draft board.";
-27: return "Seven 1/4~ screws and a piece of plastic.";
-28: return "An 80286 machine.";
-29: return "One of those stupid ~Homes of the Stars~ maps.";
-30: return "A signpost saying ~TO KITTEN~. It points in no particular direction.";
-31: return "A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole.";
-32: return "A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator.";
-33: return "It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter.";
-34: return "Just a pincushion.";
-35: return "It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity.";
-36: return "~Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize...~";
-37: return "It's just an object.";
-38: return "A mere collection of pixels.";
-39: return "A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here.";
-40: return "A marijuana brownie.";
-41: return "A plush Chewbacca.";
-42: return "Daily hunger conditioner from Australasia";
-43: return "Just some stuff.";
-44: return "Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten?";
-45: return "A glorious fan of peacock feathers.";
-46: return "It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant.";
-47: return "A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus!";
-48: return "It's the proverbial wet blanket.";
-49: return "A ~Get Out of Jail Free~ card.";
-50: return "An incredibly expensive ~Mad About You~ collector plate.";
-51: return "Paul Moyer's necktie.";
-52: return "A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one!";
-53: return "An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you.";
-54: return "An automated robot-liker. It smiles at you.";
-55: return "It's a black hole. Don't fall in!";
-56: return "Just a big brick wall.";
-57: return "You found kitten! No, just kidding.";
-58: return "Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts.";
-59: return "A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector.";
-60: return "It's a Java applet.";
-61: return "An abandoned used-car lot.";
-62: return "A shameless plug for Crummy: http://www.crummy.com/";
-63: return "A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/";
-64: return "A can of Spam Lite.";
-65: return "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley.";
-66: return "It's scenery for ~Waiting for Godot~.";
-67: return "This grain elevator towers high above you.";
-68: return "A Mentos wrapper.";
-69: return "It's the constellation Pisces.";
-70: return "It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly!";
-71: return "This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not.";
-72: return "It's a banana! Oh, joy!";
-73: return "A helicopter has crashed here.";
-74: return "Carlos Tarango stands here, doing his best impression of Pat Smear.";
-75: return "A patch of mushrooms grows here.";
-76: return "A patch of grape jelly grows here.";
-77: return "A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom!";
-78: return "A geyser sprays water high into the air.";
-79: return "A toenail? What good is a toenail?";
-80: return "You've found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game.";
-81: return "A Buttertonsils bar.";
-82: return "One of the few remaining discoes.";
-83: return "Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman.";
-84: return "A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices.";
-85: return "It's nothing but a G-thang, baby.";
-86: return "IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA!";
-87: return "This was no boating accident!";
-88: return "Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ!";
-89: return "A livery stable! Get your livery!";
-90: return "It's a perpetual immobility machine.";
-91: return "~On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick.~";
-92: return "There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion.";
-93: return "The World's Biggest Motzah Ball!";
-94: return "A tribe of cannibals lives here. They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know.";
-95: return "This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels.";
-96: return "Look out! Exclamation points!";
-97: return "A herd of wild coffee mugs slumbers here.";
-98: return "It's a limbo bar! How low can you go?";
-99: return "It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird.";
-100: return "A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here.";
-101: return "A large snake bars your way.";
-102: return "A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here.";
-103: return "It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven... but why is it painted green?";
-104: return "It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! ~Bite me!~, he says.";
-105: return "Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.";
-106: return "It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten.";
-107: return "A flamboyant feather boa. Now you can dress up like Carol Channing!";
-108: return "~Sure hope we get some rain soon,~ says Farmer Joe.";
-109: return "~How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?~ asks Farmer Al.";
-110: return "~Topsoil's all gone, ma,~ weeps Lil' Greg.";
-111: return "This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods.";
-112: return "A team of arctic explorers is camped here.";
-113: return "This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie.";
-114: return "This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps.";
-115: return "A trash compactor, compacting away.";
-116: return "This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes!";
-117: return "It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter.";
-118: return "This is a television. On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself.";
-119: return "This balogna has a first name, it's R-A-N-C-I-D.";
-120: return "A salmon hatchery? Look again. It's merely a single salmon.";
-121: return "It's a rim shot. Ba-da-boom!";
-122: return "It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky. It's also somewhat ooky.";
-123: return "This is an anagram.";
-124: return "This object is like an analogy.";
-125: return "It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere.";
-126: return "The object pushes back at you.";
-127: return "A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized.";
-128: return "~There is no kitten!~ cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy.";
-129: return "This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now.";
-130: return "The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica.";
-131: return "Look, it's Fanny the Irishman!";
-132: return "What in blazes is this?";
-133: return "It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game.";
-134: return "A brain cell. Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning.";
-135: return "Tea and/or crumpets.";
-136: return "This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it.";
-137: return "It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum.";
-138: return "This is a remote control. Being a robot, you keep a wide berth.";
-139: return "It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire.";
-140: return "Oh boy! Grub! Er, grubs.";
-141: return "A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play.";
-142: return "Plenty of nothing.";
-143: return "Look at that, it's the Crudmobile.";
-144: return "Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon.";
-145: return "Two crepes, two crepes in a box.";
-146: return "An autographed copy of ~Primary Colors~, by Anonymous.";
-147: return "Another rabbit? That's three today!";
-148: return "It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way.";
-149: return "A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null.";
-150: return "Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr!";
-151: return "It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away.";
-151: return "A pizza, melting in the sun.";
-152: return "It's a ~HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York~ novelty cup.";
-153: return "A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously.";
-153: return "It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone?";
-154: return "A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you.";
-155: return "This TRS-80 III is eerily silent.";
-156: return "A toilet bowl occupies this space.";
-157: return "This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole!";
-158: return "It's a solitary vaccuum tube.";
-159: return "This corroded robot is clutching a mitten.";
-160: return "~Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'.~";
-161: return "This subwoofer was blown out in 1974.";
-162: return "Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel.";
-163: return "It's the missing chapter to ~A Clockwork Orange~.";
-164: return "It's a burrito stand flyer. ~Taqueria El Ranchito~.";
-165: return "This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD.";
-166: return "Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos.";
-167: return "Ne'er but a potted plant.";
-168: return "A parrot, kipping on its back.";
-169: return "A forgotten telephone switchboard.";
-170: return "A forgotten telephone switchboard operator.";
-171: return "It's an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there.";
-172: return "It's a portable hole. A sign reads: ~Closed for the winter~.";
-173: return "Just a moldy loaf of bread.";
-174: return "A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips.";
-175: return "A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost)";
-176: return "It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character.";
-177: return "It's a copy of ~The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy~.";
-178: return "It's ~War and Peace~ (unabridged, very small print).";
-179: return "A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit.";
-180: return "A robot comedian. You feel amused.";
-181: return "It's KITT, the talking car.";
-182: return "Here's Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead.";
-183: return "~Blup, blup, blup~, says the mud pot.";
-184: return "More grist for the mill.";
-185: return "Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs.";
-186: return "The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune.";
-187: return "It's ~Finding kitten~, published by O'Reilly and Associates.";
-188: return "Pumpkin pie spice.";
-189: return "It's the Bass-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass!";
-190: return "~Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday~, pleas Andy Capp.";
-191: return "It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists!";
-192: return "You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard!";
-193: return "Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape.";
-194: return "It's the astounding meta-object.";
-195: return "Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, ~YES SIR!~";
-196: return "...thingy???";
-197: return "It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know!";
-198: return "The letters O and R.";
-199: return "A magical... magic thing.";
-200: return "It's a moment of silence.";
-201: return "It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty.";
-202: return "It's ~Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.~";
-203: return "It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth.";
-204: return "It is a cloud shaped like an ox.";
-205: return "You see a snowflake here, melting slowly.";
-206: return "It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it.";
-207: return "Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here.";
-208: return "It's a copy of ~Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance~.";
-209: return "This invisible box contains a pantomime horse.";
-210: return "A mason jar lies here open. It's label reads: ~do not open!~.";
-211: return "A train of thought chugs through here.";
-212: return "This jar of pickles expired in 1957.";
-213: return "Someone's identity disk lies here.";
-214: return "~Yes!~ says the bit.";
-215: return "~No!~ says the bit.";
-216: return "A dodecahedron bars your way.";
-217: return "Mr. Hooper is here, surfing.";
-218: return "It's a big smoking fish.";
-219: return "You have new mail in /var/spool/robot";
-220: return "Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out.";
-221: return "A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here.";
-222: return "It's a rotten old shoe.";
-223: return "It's a hundred-dollar bill.";
-224: return "It's a Dvorak keyboard.";
-225: return "It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks.";
-226: return "Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork.";
-227: return "A broken metronome sits here, it's needle off to one side.";
-228: return "A sign reads: ~Go home!~";
-229: return "A sign reads: ~No robots allowed!~";
-230: return "It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger.";
-231: return "This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC.";
-232: return "This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie.";
-233: return "A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here.";
-234: return "Just the empty husk of a locust.";
-235: return "You disturb a murder of crows.";
-236: return "It's a copy of the RobotFindsKitten EULA.";
-237: return "It's Death.";
-238: return "It's an autographed copy of ~Secondary Colors~, by Bob Ross.";
-239: return "It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck.";
-240: return "It's a DVD of ~Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten~, region encoded for the moon.";
-241: return "It's Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia!";
-242: return "A non-descript box of crackers.";
-243: return "Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine.";
-244: return "~Move along! Nothing to see here!~";
-245: return "It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin.";
-246: return "A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner.";
-247: return "A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless.";
-
-! The following messages were added by David Griffith
-!
-248: return "It's the Golden Banana of Discord!";
-249: return "The Inform Designer's Manual (4th edition)";
-250: return "A packet of pipe cleaners.";
-251: return "It's Andrew Plotkin plotting something.";
-252: return "A half-eaten cheese sandwich.";
-253: return "Clang, clang, clang goes the tranny!";
-254: return "A family of integrals are here integrating.";
-255: return "A tuft of kitten fur, but no kitten.";
-256: return "A bottle of oil! Refreshing!";
-257: return "A shameless plug for Frotz: http://www.cs.csubak.edu/~dgriffi/proj/frotz/";
-258: return "Clifford Stoll is here selling Klein bottles.";
-259: return "You found the marble in the oatmeal!";
-260: return "An empty Altoids tin.";
-261: return "An empty Penguin Mints tin.";
-262: return "So, THAT's what an invisible barrier looks like!";
-263: return "A cluster of cattails are growing here.";
-264: return "A discarded bagpipe chanter reed.";
-265: return "Big Bird is here looking for Mr. Looper.";
-266: return "It's a Linux install CD.";
-267: return "You found Puppy! Too bad this isn't ~Robot Finds Puppy~.";
-268: return "Several meters of cat5 cable.";
-269: return "A scrap of parchment bears the single word, ~meow~.";
-270: return "A puddle of chocolate sauce.";
-271: return "Your robot pal Floyd is here and wants to play Hucka-Bucka-Beanstalk.";
-272: return "Someone is talking to Ralph on the big white phone here.";
-273: return "'Twas brillig in the slivey-toves...";
-274: return "Darth Vader is here looking for his Teddywookie.";
-275: return "A bassoon is hooting angrily at you.";
-276: return "Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!";
-277: return "Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...";
-278: return "A rancid corn dog.";
-279: return "It's a tribute to fishnet stockings.";
-280: return "A jar of Vegemite is running down the hill here.";
-281: return "Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!";
-282: return "A bottle of hair tonic.";
-283: return "A packet of catnip.";
- }
-];