From: Craig Maloney Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2019 12:19:21 +0000 (-0400) Subject: Cleaning up the section on asking for help X-Git-Tag: 20200112^2~80 X-Git-Url: https://jxself.org/git/?a=commitdiff_plain;h=4f4c6ca84df727ac1967e64324e0199e903c1249;p=themediocreprogrammer.git Cleaning up the section on asking for help --- diff --git a/chapter07.md b/chapter07.md index d474134..3a5aeee 100644 --- a/chapter07.md +++ b/chapter07.md @@ -116,11 +116,11 @@ You will experience periods of burnout in your programming career. Things will c I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I've struggled with asking for help. Part of my reluctance with asking for help was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I thought that by asking for help I would diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as a fraud and an impostor. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I did ask for help the response I received wasn't "why don't you know this?"; it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism or surprise for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face. -### FIXME +Asking for help isn't limited to just asking technical questions. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need to ask our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress. -Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions. How to ask questions is the area of seeking help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a lowest risks associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress. +# FIXME -Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors, but the most common factor is our desire to be comfortable. Asking for help means putting ourselves into a position of vulnerability and hoping that the person we're asking for help will treat us with kindness and dignity. This is especially true when we don't know the person we're asking, or if the person is a medical professional. But it can also be necessary, especially if we're facing situations where what we're facing is out of our control or experience. If we're facing the prospect of burning out we may need to ask a doctor / therapist for better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain then we may need to talk with others in our community to see if we're the only ones experiencing this feeling. +Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors but the most common factor is our desire for comfort. Asking for help means putting ourselves into positions of vulnerability and hoping the people we're asking to help us will treat us with kindness, respect, and dignity. This is especially true when we don't know the person we're asking, or if the person is a medical professional. But putting ourselves in these vulnerable situations is necessary, especially if we're facing situations where our problems are out of control or experience. If we're close to burning out (or are suffering through burnout) we may need to ask a doctor / therapist for better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain then we may want to talk with others in our community to see if we're the only ones experiencing this feeling. It's cliche to say "there's no shame in asking for help" but it bears repeating. We can't do everything on our own and need the help of others. Even if it's something as simple as someone saying "wow, that sucks" that's at least a connection with someone else who understands what we're going through. Finding someone who is willing to listen, empathize, and commiserate can be the difference between feeling like we're not alone and feeling like we've been abandoned.