From: Craig Maloney Date: Tue, 5 Mar 2019 12:53:03 +0000 (-0500) Subject: More on asking for help. X-Git-Tag: 20200112^2~81 X-Git-Url: https://jxself.org/git/?a=commitdiff_plain;h=096144dc1f99e322af0543686445c414d9efa567;p=themediocreprogrammer.git More on asking for help. --- diff --git a/chapter07.md b/chapter07.md index e339e55..d474134 100644 --- a/chapter07.md +++ b/chapter07.md @@ -114,9 +114,11 @@ You will experience periods of burnout in your programming career. Things will c ## Reaching out for help -I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I know from my own experience that I have struggled with asking for help. Part of this reluctance was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I felt that if I asked for help it might diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as not being as good as people thought I was. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I asked for help the question I received wasn't "why don't you know this?", rather it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face. +I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I've struggled with asking for help. Part of my reluctance with asking for help was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I thought that by asking for help I would diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as a fraud and an impostor. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I did ask for help the response I received wasn't "why don't you know this?"; it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism or surprise for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face. -Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions, though. Question-asking is an area of help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a low risk associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling. We may even need a whole other support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress. +### FIXME + +Asking for help isn't limited to asking questions. How to ask questions is the area of seeking help that gets the most attention because it's the easiest to address and has a lowest risks associated with it. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need help from our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress. Our reluctance to asking for help can stem from a number of factors, but the most common factor is our desire to be comfortable. Asking for help means putting ourselves into a position of vulnerability and hoping that the person we're asking for help will treat us with kindness and dignity. This is especially true when we don't know the person we're asking, or if the person is a medical professional. But it can also be necessary, especially if we're facing situations where what we're facing is out of our control or experience. If we're facing the prospect of burning out we may need to ask a doctor / therapist for better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain then we may need to talk with others in our community to see if we're the only ones experiencing this feeling. @@ -124,7 +126,6 @@ It's cliche to say "there's no shame in asking for help" but it bears repeating. We also need to recognize when our support systems aren't supporting us any longer. If we find that simply taking about a problem isn't giving us resolution we may need to find other means of help. You may recognize that you need some additional support, but it's far more common for folks to believe that they can do it all on their own. Only you know your situation and only you know if you're being honest with yourself and if you're deluding yourself. And if you're deluding yourself then only you can take the initiative to seek out the help that you need. Nobody else knows your inner-workings better than you. -### FIXME ## Giving up