+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 5
+!
+562: return "It's a cookie shaped like a kitten.";
+563: return "It's Professor Feedlebom.";
+564: return "A bottle of smelling salts.";
+565: return "Dinsdale!";
+566: return "An Enfield Mk3 rifle.";
+567: return "An M16 rifle.";
+568: return "An M1911A1 pistol.";
+569: return "An M9 pistol.";
+570: return "It's a gun of some sort.";
+571: return "An FN-FAL rifle.";
+572: return "An old rusty revolver.";
+573: return "An AK-47 rifle.";
+574: return "An AK-97 rifle.";
+575: return "A Remington 870 shotgun.";
+576: return "It's a NetBSD install CD.";
+577: return "It's a recursive recursive recursive recursive recursive...";
+578: return "It's Brian Kernigan.";
+579: return "It's Dennis Ritchie.";
+580: return "It's nothing in particular.";
+581: return "Just a box of backscratchers.";
+582: return "An expired transistor.";
+583: return "Air.";
+584: return "A steam-powered bunnytron.";
+585: return "Heeeeeeeeeeeeres Johnny!";
+586: return "It's a catalog from some company called Infocom.";
+587: return "A dark-emitting diode.";
+588: return "A 256 kilobyte write-only memory chip.";
+589: return "A box of brand-new nixie tubes.";
+590: return "Alien underwear.";
+591: return "A sack of hammers.";
+592: return "A sack of wet mice.";
+593: return "A sack of doorknobs.";
+594: return "A rusty melon-baller.";
+595: return "An atomic vector plotter.";
+596: return "You really don't want to know what this is.";
+597: return "A 100 meter long chain of jumbo paper clips.";
+598: return "A cockatoo shrieks at you.";
+599: return "It's Mary Poppins!";
+600: return "A slightly-used smellovision set.";
+601: return "Doodles Weaver is here looking over a horse race schedule.";
+602: return "An overflowing bit bucket.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 6
+!
+603: return "Blarg!";
+604: return "It's a hairy-armed hitchhiker!";
+605: return "A wolf wearing a nightgown is in bed here.";
+606: return "A gecko zooms about on a skateboard here.";
+607: return "A hovercraft full of eels is parked here.";
+608: return "A waffle iron is here and it's still hot.";
+609: return "A huge pile of pancakes.";
+610: return "A threadbare tweed suit.";
+611: return "A rusted safety pin.";
+612: return "A model of a twin-hulled sailboat.";
+613: return "A jar of lemon curd.";
+614: return "~We interrupt this Zen Simulation...~";
+615: return "A sealed tin bearing only the word ~yummy~.";
+616: return "It's a groat coated with pocket fluff.";
+617: return "You find an Atari 2600 game cartridge with no label.";
+618: return "A child's drawing of a kitten.";
+619: return "It's a small bouncy creature, but obviously not kitten.";
+620: return "It's an unknown area code.";
+621: return "A bottle of ammonia.";
+622: return "Tweeting birds.";
+623: return "It's a rapidly oscillating function.";
+624: return "A dogcow moofs at you.";
+625: return "A puddle of purple semi-gloss latex paint.";
+626: return "It's a merry-go-round (broken down).";
+627: return "The pants that Curly died in.";
+628: return "A vanilla pudding pop.";
+629: return "It's Jesse James' severed hand and it's still moving.";
+630: return "It's more money than you'll ever need.";
+631: return "A tiny robot scuttles across the floor.";
+632: return "Chunk is here doing the truffle-shuffle.";
+633: return "Data is here setting up some booty traps.";
+634: return "A waterlogged grand piano.";
+635: return "One liter of fuming nitric acid.";
+636: return "A gold-dipped rose.";
+637: return "Bronzed baby shoes.";
+638: return "An electric engraving pencil.";
+639: return "A small, featureless, white cube.";
+640: return "It's a battery-powered brass lantern.";
+641: return "It's an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers.";
+642: return "A glass bottle containing a quantity of water.";
+643: return "It's a blob of red goo.";
+644: return "It's a blob of blue goo.";
+645: return "It's a blob of yellow goo.";
+646: return "It's a blob of green goo.";
+647: return "It's a blob of orange goo.";
+648: return "It's a blob of purple goo.";
+649: return "It's a blob of black goo.";
+650: return "It's a blob of brown goo.";
+651: return "A Scooby Snack! Yay!";
+652: return "A squirrel contentedly gnaws on a sprinkler head here.";
+653: return "Snacky things.";
+654: return "A toupee.";
+655: return "Seat cushion fluff.";
+656: return "Jacket fluff.";
+657: return "Haven't you touched this thing before?";
+658: return "It's a copy of the Book of Found Kittens.";
+659: return "It's a nasty knife.";
+660: return "It's a grue. Fortunately, they don't like to eat robots.";
+661: return "It's a phone book for the 661 area code.";
+662: return "A tiny velvet pouch.";
+663: return "Brass tacks.";
+664: return "It's a rotating potato.";
+665: return "Leave that thing alone!";
+666: return "It's the mark of the beast!";
+667: return "A tube of heat sink grease.";
+668: return "A dead battery.";
+669: return "A pile of irrigation valves.";
+670: return "A stony meteorite.";
+671: return "An iron meteorite.";
+672: return "It's a fragment of an old Russian spacecraft.";
+673: return "A large block of dry ice.";
+674: return "It's a Commodore 64 computer (in mint condition).";
+675: return "It's an Apple II+ computer (in mint condition).";
+676: return "It's a Kaypro II portable computer.";
+677: return "It's a Texas Instruments TI-89 graphing calculator.";
+678: return "It's an Atari 800 computer.";
+679: return "It's an Amiga 2000 computer.";
+680: return "An oddly familiar face shouts ~SCREWTEK!~ from this computer monitor.";
+681: return "It's an Osborne portable computer.";
+682: return "It's a nameless MSX computer from Japan.";
+683: return "A vacuum cleaner appears to have exploded here.";
+684: return "It's a model of a catamaran.";
+685: return "A cardboard box of sheet metal screws.";
+686: return "A brown glass vial labeled ~tincture of iodine~.";
+687: return "Just some sort of cat toy.";
+688: return "It's a large pile of crumpled notepaper.";
+689: return "You've found the decoy kitten!";
+690: return "It's a pile of wine corks.";
+691: return "A neat pile of plastic irrigation pipe.";
+692: return "It's one of those carpet-covered things for cats to climb.";
+693: return "This thing appears to be an ancient Roman breastplate.";
+694: return "A claymore.";
+695: return "An unripe orange.";
+696: return "A toy zeppelin.";
+697: return "It's a bucket of mud.";
+698: return "It's a bucket of water.";
+699: return "A clay pot with grass growing it in sits here.";
+700: return "A discarded envelope chewed by Kitten.";
+701: return "A hollow voice says ~Fool!~";
+702: return "Several hackles are here and they appear to be up.";
+703: return "Just some spite.";
+704: return "Vitriol.";
+705: return "There is a small mailbox here.";
+706: return "A large oriental rug.";
+707: return "It's an elvish sword of great antiquity.";
+708: return "A large coil of rope is here.";
+709: return "You've found a speed bump.";
+710: return "It's a whirly thing of some sort.";
+711: return "An empty Slurpee cup.";
+712: return "This is a disaster area.";
+713: return "A small box of fishing weights.";
+714: return "A street map of the city of Anaheim.";
+715: return "Bits of red construction paper are scattered all about.";
+716: return "You won't believe what this is.";
+717: return "A meat-scented air-freshener on a string dances in the breeze.";
+718: return "A intact clay pigeon.";
+719: return "Pieces of broken clay pigeons are scattered all about.";
+720: return "This looks like a skateboarding arcade video game.";
+721: return "It's a steaming bowl of homemade gnocci.";
+722: return "An electric fan lies on its side here.";
+723: return "It's something fizzy.";
+724: return "A hickory stump.";
+725: return "This tiny barbecue is spotlessly clean.";
+726: return "A saucer of milk, untouched by Kitten.";
+727: return "Insane laughter issues from this vibrating shipping crate.";
+728: return "Haven't you checked here already?";
+729: return "Just some rusted lug nuts and an ancient hub cap.";
+730: return "A rusty crowbar.";
+731: return "A post hole digger is stuck in a pile of dirt here.";
+732: return "It's a spade.";
+733: return "It's the Queen of Hearts! ~Off with their heads!~, she shouts.";
+734: return "An assortment of highly-nutritious vegetables.";
+735: return "A dead click beetle.";
+736: return "A roll of scratch-and-sniff stickers.";
+737: return "A roll of duct tape.";
+738: return "Someone dropped a cheap ballpoint pen here.";
+739: return "Someone dropped an expensive fountain pen here.";
+740: return "You've found the Gingerbread Man!";
+741: return "You've found the Stinky Cheese Man!";
+742: return "This looks like an umbrella turned inside out.";
+743: return "3.14159... Pi is all over the place here...";
+744: return "You almost mistook this meatloaf for Kitten.";
+745: return "This drawer is full of dried out rubber stoppers.";
+746: return "A flask of hydrochloric acid is here.";
+747: return "Why are you bothering that old man instead of finding Kitten?";
+748: return "It's a hyperkinetic rabbity thing.";
+749: return "A dog dressed in a cheap suit is here.";
+750: return "~Help me Robot! You're my only hope!~";
+751: return "You found Budgie! Too bad this isn't ~robotfindsbudgie~.";
+752: return "It's a sleeping lion.";
+753: return "It's an example of the infamous space-cadet keyboard.";
+754: return "You find a random assortment of dots and dashes.";
+755: return "Nothing but some scribbles in crayon.";
+756: return "It's a week-old baloney sandwich.";
+757: return "It's a red stapler.";
+758: return "It's a red staple-remover.";
+759: return "It's a ~Wicked Tinkers~ CD.";
+760: return "You see a rhinestone-studded dog collar, but no dog.";
+761: return "It's a box of lox.";
+762: return "It's a box of pinball machine parts.";
+763: return "You've discovered an enormous pile of socks.";
+764: return "It's a photograph of Kitten.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 7
+!
+765: return "It's a copy editor, reading aloud from the Associated Press Stylebook.";
+765: return "It's a copy editor, reading aloud from the MLA Stylebook.";
+766: return "Kitty kibble is scattered all about.";
+767: return "A bartender growls, ~No robots allowed!~";
+768: return "It's a Franklin Ebookman.";
+769: return "It's a child's kitten pull-toy.";
+770: return "~I'm Speed Racer and I drive real fast!~";
+771: return "~I drive real fast. I'm gonna last.~";
+772: return "~I'm a big pirate and I like to steal!~";
+773: return "~I like to steal and I like to kill!~";
+774: return "~I'm a Barbie doll but I've got brains!~";
+775: return "~I'm your doctor and here's the bill.~";
+776: return "Go! Go! Go, Speed Racer!";
+777: return "It's a Boeing 777 airliner.";
+778: return "Someone is taking time out for fun here.";
+779: return "You see a street lamp and a lamplighter here.";
+780: return "A broken cricket bat.";
+781: return "It's a mint-condition IMSAI 8080 computer!";
+782: return "A hollow voice says ~xyzzy~.";
+783: return "Wimpy is here asking for a hamburger.";
+784: return "You found Olive Oyl!";
+785: return "It's Popeye!";
+786: return "Bluto is here looking for Olive Oyl.";
+787: return "~Et tu, Brutus?~";
+788: return "The bodily remains of a Roman emperor.";
+789: return "Yay! It's a hoola hoop!";
+790: return "The Smart Patrol is here.";
+791: return "It's an old sandal.";
+792: return "It's a feather duster.";
+793: return "It's a zipper.";
+794: return "It's an old crumhorn with a broken reed.";
+795: return "A sticky old cough drop.";
+796: return "A jar of buttons.";
+797: return "A bearded dragon lizard is sitting here.";
+798: return "A garden toad.";
+799: return "A garden gnome.";
+800: return "A garden weasel.";
+
+default: return "Unknown NKI (this should not happen)";