+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 3
+!
+361: return "Ten yards of avocado-green shag carpet.";
+362: return "A zorkmid coin.";
+363: return "It's Babe Flathead's favorite bat.";
+364: return "It's cute like a kitten, but isn't a kitten.";
+365: return "A cyclops glowers angrily at you.";
+366: return "A discarded pop bottle.";
+367: return "Definitely not Kitten.";
+368: return "A mouse.";
+369: return "Slack!";
+370: return "A troll. Ewww!!!";
+371: return "A tube of white lithium grease. Perfect for your robotic joints.";
+372: return "Talcum powder.";
+373: return "A breadbox. Nope, Kitten isn't in the breadbox.";
+374: return "An unlicensed nuclear accelerator.";
+375: return "A sub-atomic particle languishes here all alone.";
+376: return "A bowling ball with the name ~Bob~ inscribed on it.";
+377: return "A briefcase filled with spy stuff.";
+378: return "Is that an elephant's head or a winged sandal?";
+379: return "Bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy bibbidy...";
+380: return "A tube of toothpaste. Too bad you have no teeth.";
+381: return "This isn't the item you're looking for.";
+382: return "A discarded refrigerator box. Nope, Kitten isn't in the box.";
+383: return "A paper shopping bag. Nope, Kitten isn't in the bag.";
+384: return "A flyer reads, ~Please donate hydraulic fluid~";
+385: return "A dangly thing mangled by Kitten.";
+386: return "A crouton.";
+387: return "A patch from the Mammoth Caves.";
+388: return "A leather pouch filled with multisided dice.";
+389: return "A pair of combat boots.";
+390: return "A pile of coconuts.";
+391: return "A big bass drum bearing a hole and suspicious clawmarks.";
+392: return "It's a clue!";
+393: return "Long lost needle nose pliers.";
+394: return "A vase of roses.";
+395: return "A crystal ball. It doesn't seem to know where Kitten is.";
+396: return "It's Princess Leia, the yodel of life.";
+397: return "Sigmund Freud is here asking about your mother.";
+398: return "BURRRRP!!!! Flavorful and full of protein!";
+399: return "A jar of library paste.";
+400: return "These aren't ordinary beans. They're magic beans!";
+401: return "Some sort of electronic handheld game from the 1970s.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 4
+!
+402: return "Just some glop of some sort.";
+403: return "A bottle of distilled water.";
+404: return "A rusty slinky. It was such a wonderful toy!";
+405: return "Some coconut crabs are milling about here.";
+406: return "Dancing cold water pipes. Mikey must have been here.";
+407: return "Ash is mumbling ~KLAATU BARATA NI<coughcough>~ here.";
+408: return "It's a blob of white goo.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith from the
+! official list of NKIs.
+!
+409: return "A gravestone stands here. ~Izchak Miller, ascended.~";
+410: return "Someone has written ~ad aerarium~ on the ground here.";
+410: return "A large blue eye floats in midair.";
+411: return "This appears to be a statue of Perseus.";
+412: return "There is an opulent throne here.";
+413: return "It's a squad of Keystone Kops.";
+414: return "This seems to be junk mail addressed to the finder of the Eye of Larn.";
+415: return "A wondrous and intricate golden amulet. Too bad you have no neck.";
+416: return "The swampy ground around you seems to stink with disease.";
+417: return "An animate blob of acid. Being metallic, you keep well away.";
+418: return "It's a copy of Knuth with the chapter on kitten-search algorithms torn out.";
+419: return "A crowd of people, and at the center, a popular misconception.";
+420: return "It's a blind man. When you touch, he exclaims ~It's a kitten prospecting robot!~";
+421: return "It's a lost wallet. It's owner didn't have pets, so you discard it.";
+422: return "This place is called Antarctica. There is no kitten here.";
+423: return "It's a mousetrap, baited with soap.";
+424: return "A book with ~Don't Panic~ in large friendly letters across the cover.";
+425: return "A compendium of haiku about metals.";
+426: return "A discredited cosmology, relic of a bygone era.";
+427: return "A hollow voice says ~Plugh~.";
+428: return "A knight who says ~Either I am an insane knave, or you will find kitten.~";
+429: return "A neural net -- maybe it's trying to recognize kitten.";
+430: return "A screwdriver.";
+431: return "A statue of a girl holding a goose like the one in Gottingen, Germany.";
+432: return "A tetradrachm dated ~42 B.C.~";
+433: return "A voice booms out ~Onward, kitten soldiers...~";
+434: return "An eminently forgettable zahir.";
+435: return "Apparently, it's Edmund Burke.";
+436: return "For a moment, you feel something in your hands, but it disappears!";
+437: return "Here is a book about Robert Kennedy.";
+438: return "Hey, robot, leave those lists alone.";
+439: return "Ho hum. Another synthetic a posteriori.";
+440: return "It's Asimov's Laws of Robotics. You feel a strange affinity for them.";
+441: return "It's Bach's Mass in B-minor!";
+442: return "It's a bug.";
+443: return "It's a synthetic a priori truth! Immanuel would be so pleased!";
+444: return "It's the Tiki Room.";
+445: return "Just some old play by a Czech playwright, and you can't read Czech.";
+446: return "Kitten is the letter 'Q'. Oh, wait, maybe not.";
+447: return "Quidquid Latine dictum sit, kitten non est.";
+448: return "Sutro Tower is visible at some distance through the fog.";
+449: return "The Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998.";
+450: return "The United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit.";
+451: return "The non-kitten item like this but with ~false~ and ~true~ switched is true.";
+452: return "This is the chapter called ~A Map of the Cat?~ from Feynman's autobiography.";
+453: return "This is the forest primeval.";
+454: return "Werner's ~Pocket Field Guide to Things That Are Not Kitten~.";
+455: return "You found nettik, but that's backwards.";
+456: return "You have found some zinc, but you must not stop here, for you must find kitten.";
+457: return "~50 Years Among the Non-Kitten Items~, by Ann Droyd.";
+458: return "~Robot may not injure kitten, or, through inaction, ...~";
+459: return "~Address Allocation for Private Internets~ by Yakov Rekhter et al.";
+460: return "~Mail Routing and the Domain System~ by Craig Partridge.";
+461: return "~The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism~ by Emmanuel Goldstein.";
+462: return "~201 Kitten Verbs, Fully Conjugated~. You look for ~find~.";
+463: return "A card shark sits here, practicing his Faro shuffle. He ignores you.";
+463: return "A copy of DeCSS. They're a dime a dozen these days.";
+464: return "A demonic voice proclaims ~There is no kitten, only Zuul~. You flee.";
+465: return "A lotus. You make an interesting pair.";
+466: return "A milk carton, with a black and white picture of kitten on the side.";
+467: return "Any ordinary robot could see from a mile away that this wasn't kitten.";
+468: return "A stegosaurus, escaped from the stegosaurusfindsrobot game. It finds you.";
+469: return "Baling wire and chewing gum.";
+470: return "Chewing gum and baling wire.";
+471: return "Here is no kitten but only rock, rock and no kitten and the sandy road.";
+472: return "Hey, I bet you thought this was kitten.";
+473: return "It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three.";
+474: return "It pleases you to be kind to what appears to be kitten -- but it's not!";
+475: return "It's a blatant plug for Ogg Vorbis, http://www.vorbis.com/";
+476: return "It's a business plan for a new startup, kitten.net.";
+477: return "It's a revised business plan for a new startup, my.kitten.net.";
+478: return "It's a square.";
+479: return "It seems to be a copy of ~A Tail of Two Kitties~.";
+480: return "It's the Donation of Constantine!";
+481: return "It's this message, nothing more.";
+482: return "Lysine, an essential amino acid. Well, maybe not for robots.";
+483: return "No kitten here.";
+484: return "The score for a Czech composer's ~Kitten-Finding Symphony in C~.";
+485: return "This looks like Bradley's ~Appearance and Reality~, but it's really not.";
+486: return "This non-kitten item no verb.";
+487: return "You feel strangely unfulfilled.";
+488: return "You hit the non-kitten item. The non-kitten item fails to yowl.";
+489: return "You suddenly yearn for your distant homeland.";
+490: return "You've found the snows of yesteryear! So that's where they all went to.";
+491: return "Approaching. One car. J. Followed by. Two car. M, M. In five. Minutes.";
+491: return "Free Jon Johansen!";
+492: return "Free Dmitry Sklyarov!";
+493: return "One person shouts ~What do we want?~ The crowd answers ~Free Dmitry!~";
+494: return "Judith Platt insults librarians.";
+495: return "This map is not the territory.";
+496: return "~Go back to Libraria!~, says Pat Schroeder.";
+497: return "This is a porcelain kitten-counter. 0, 0, 0, 0, 0...";
+498: return "An old bootable business card, unfortunately cracked down the middle.";
+499: return "A kitten sink, for washing kitten (if only kitten liked water).";
+500: return "A kitten source (to match the kitten sink).";
+501: return "If it's one thing, it's not another.";
+502: return "If it's not one thing, it's another.";
+503: return "A caboodle.";
+504: return "A grin.";
+505: return "A hedgehog. It looks like it knows something important.";
+506: return "You've found... Oh wait, that's just a cat.";
+507: return "Robot should not be touching that.";
+508: return "Air Guitar!!! NA na NA na!!";
+509: return "An aromatherapy candle burns with healing light.";
+510: return "You find a bright shiny penny.";
+511: return "It's a free Jon Johansen!";
+512: return "It's a free Dmitry Sklyarov!";
+513: return "The rothe hits! The rothe hits!";
+514: return "It's an Internet chain letter about sodium laureth sulfate.";
+515: return "Ed Witten sits here, pondering string theory.";
+516: return "Something is written here in the dust. You read: ~rJbotfndQkttten~.";
+517: return "We wish you a merry kitten, and a happy New Year!";
+518: return "Run away! Run away!";
+519: return "You can see right through this copy of Brin's ~Transparent Society~.";
+520: return "This copy of ~Steal This Book~ has been stolen from a bookstore.";
+521: return "It's Roya Naini.";
+522: return "This kit is the fourteenth in a series of kits named with Roman letters.";
+523: return "This is the tenth key you've found so far.";
+524: return "You find a fraud scheme in which loans are used as security for other loans.";
+525: return "It's the phrase ~and her~, written in ancient Greek.";
+526: return "It's the author of ~Randomness and Mathematical Proof~.";
+527: return "It's the crusty exoskeleton of an arthropod!";
+528: return "It's Emporer Shaddam the 4th's planet!";
+529: return "It's the triangle leg adjacent to an angle divided by the leg opposite it.";
+530: return "It's a bottle of nail polish remover.";
+531: return "You found netkit! Way to go, robot!";
+532: return "It's the ASCII Floating Head of Seth David Schoen!";
+533: return "A frosted pink party-cake, half eaten.";
+534: return "A bitchin' homemade tesla coil.";
+535: return "Conan O'Brian, sans jawbone.";
+536: return "It's either a mirror, or another soulless kitten-seeking robot.";
+537: return "Preoccupation with finding kitten prevents you from investigating further.";
+538: return "Fonzie sits here, mumbling incoherently about a shark and a pair of waterskis.";
+539: return "The ghost of your dance instructor, his face a paper-white mask of evil.";
+540: return "A bag of groceries taken off the shelf before the expiration date.";
+541: return "A book: Feng Shui, Zen: the art of randomly arranging items that are not kitten.";
+542: return "This might be the fountain of youth, but you'll never know.";
+543: return "Tigerbot Hesh.";
+544: return "Stimutacs.";
+545: return "A canister of pressurized whipped cream, sans whipped cream.";
+546: return "The non-kitten item bites!";
+547: return "A chain hanging from two posts reminds you of the Gateway Arch.";
+548: return "A mathematician calculates the halting probability of a Turing machine.";
+549: return "A number of short theatrical productions are indexed 1, 2, 3, ... n.";
+550: return "A technical university in Australia.";
+551: return "It is -- I just feel something wonderful is about to happen.";
+552: return "It's a Cat 5 cable.";
+553: return "It's a U.S. president.";
+554: return "It's a piece of cloth used to cover a stage in between performances.";
+555: return "The ionosphere seems charged with meaning.";
+556: return "This tomography is like, hella axial, man!";
+557: return "It's your favorite game -- robotfindscatan!";
+558: return "Just a man selling an albatross.";
+559: return "The intermission from a 1930s silent movie.";
+560: return "It's an inverted billiard ball!";
+561: return "The spectre of Sherlock Holmes wills you onwards.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 5
+!
+562: return "It's a cookie shaped like a kitten.";
+563: return "It's Professor Feedlebom.";
+564: return "A bottle of smelling salts.";
+565: return "Dinsdale!";
+566: return "An Enfield Mk3 rifle.";
+567: return "An M16 rifle.";
+568: return "An M1911A1 pistol.";
+569: return "An M9 pistol.";
+570: return "It's a gun of some sort.";
+571: return "An FN-FAL rifle.";
+572: return "An old rusty revolver.";
+573: return "An AK-47 rifle.";
+574: return "An AK-97 rifle.";
+575: return "A Remington 870 shotgun.";
+576: return "It's a NetBSD install CD.";
+577: return "It's a recursive recursive recursive recursive recursive...";
+578: return "It's Brian Kernigan.";
+579: return "It's Dennis Ritchie.";
+580: return "It's nothing in particular.";
+581: return "Just a box of backscratchers.";
+582: return "An expired transistor.";
+583: return "Air.";
+584: return "A steam-powered bunnytron.";
+585: return "Heeeeeeeeeeeeres Johnny!";
+586: return "It's a catalog from some company called Infocom.";
+587: return "A dark-emitting diode.";
+588: return "A 256 kilobyte write-only memory chip.";
+589: return "A box of brand-new nixie tubes.";
+590: return "Alien underwear.";
+591: return "A sack of hammers.";
+592: return "A sack of wet mice.";
+593: return "A sack of doorknobs.";
+594: return "A rusty melon-baller.";
+595: return "An atomic vector plotter.";
+596: return "You really don't want to know what this is.";
+597: return "A 100 meter long chain of jumbo paper clips.";
+598: return "A cockatoo shrieks at you.";
+599: return "It's Mary Poppins!";
+600: return "A slightly-used smellovision set.";
+601: return "Doodles Weaver is here looking over a horse race schedule.";
+602: return "An overflowing bit bucket.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 6
+!
+603: return "Blarg!";
+604: return "It's a hairy-armed hitchhiker!";
+605: return "A wolf wearing a nightgown is in bed here.";
+606: return "A gecko zooms about on a skateboard here.";
+607: return "A hovercraft full of eels is parked here.";
+608: return "A waffle iron is here and it's still hot.";
+609: return "A huge pile of pancakes.";
+610: return "A threadbare tweed suit.";
+611: return "A rusted safety pin.";
+612: return "A model of a twin-hulled sailboat.";
+613: return "A jar of lemon curd.";
+614: return "~We interrupt this Zen Simulation...~";
+615: return "A sealed tin bearing only the word ~yummy~.";
+616: return "It's a groat coated with pocket fluff.";
+617: return "You find an Atari 2600 game cartridge with no label.";
+618: return "A child's drawing of a kitten.";
+619: return "It's a small bouncy creature, but obviously not kitten.";
+620: return "It's an unknown area code.";
+621: return "A bottle of ammonia.";
+622: return "Tweeting birds.";
+623: return "It's a rapidly oscillating function.";
+624: return "A dogcow moofs at you.";
+625: return "A puddle of purple semi-gloss latex paint.";
+626: return "It's a merry-go-round (broken down).";
+627: return "The pants that Curly died in.";
+628: return "A vanilla pudding pop.";
+629: return "It's Jesse James' severed hand and it's still moving.";
+630: return "It's more money than you'll ever need.";
+631: return "A tiny robot scuttles across the floor.";
+632: return "Chunk is here doing the truffle-shuffle.";
+633: return "Data is here setting up some booty traps.";
+634: return "A waterlogged grand piano.";
+635: return "One liter of fuming nitric acid.";
+636: return "A gold-dipped rose.";
+637: return "Bronzed baby shoes.";
+638: return "An electric engraving pencil.";
+639: return "A small, featureless, white cube.";
+640: return "It's a battery-powered brass lantern.";
+641: return "It's an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers.";
+642: return "A glass bottle containing a quantity of water.";
+643: return "It's a blob of red goo.";
+644: return "It's a blob of blue goo.";
+645: return "It's a blob of yellow goo.";
+646: return "It's a blob of green goo.";
+647: return "It's a blob of orange goo.";
+648: return "It's a blob of purple goo.";
+649: return "It's a blob of black goo.";
+650: return "It's a blob of brown goo.";
+651: return "A Scooby Snack! Yay!";
+652: return "A squirrel contentedly gnaws on a sprinkler head here.";
+653: return "Snacky things.";
+654: return "A toupee.";
+655: return "Seat cushion fluff.";
+656: return "Jacket fluff.";
+657: return "Haven't you touched this thing before?";
+658: return "It's a copy of the Book of Found Kittens.";
+659: return "It's a nasty knife.";
+660: return "It's a grue. Fortunately, they don't like to eat robots.";
+661: return "It's a phone book for the 661 area code.";
+662: return "A tiny velvet pouch.";
+663: return "Brass tacks.";
+664: return "It's a rotating potato.";
+665: return "Leave that thing alone!";
+666: return "It's the mark of the beast!";
+667: return "A tube of heat sink grease.";
+668: return "A dead battery.";
+669: return "A pile of irrigation valves.";
+670: return "A stony meteorite.";
+671: return "An iron meteorite.";
+672: return "It's a fragment of an old Russian spacecraft.";
+673: return "A large block of dry ice.";
+674: return "It's a Commodore 64 computer (in mint condition).";
+675: return "It's an Apple II+ computer (in mint condition).";
+676: return "It's a Kaypro II portable computer.";
+677: return "It's a Texas Instruments TI-89 graphing calculator.";
+678: return "It's an Atari 800 computer.";
+679: return "It's an Amiga 2000 computer.";
+680: return "An oddly familiar face shouts ~SCREWTEK!~ from this computer monitor.";
+681: return "It's an Osborne portable computer.";
+682: return "It's a nameless MSX computer from Japan.";
+683: return "A vacuum cleaner appears to have exploded here.";
+684: return "It's a model of a catamaran.";
+685: return "A cardboard box of sheet metal screws.";
+686: return "A brown glass vial labeled ~tincture of iodine~.";
+687: return "Just some sort of cat toy.";
+688: return "It's a large pile of crumpled notepaper.";
+689: return "You've found the decoy kitten!";
+690: return "It's a pile of wine corks.";
+691: return "A neat pile of plastic irrigation pipe.";
+692: return "It's one of those carpet-covered things for cats to climb.";
+693: return "This thing appears to be an ancient Roman breastplate.";
+694: return "A claymore.";
+695: return "An unripe orange.";
+696: return "A toy zeppelin.";
+697: return "It's a bucket of mud.";
+698: return "It's a bucket of water.";
+699: return "A clay pot with grass growing it in sits here.";
+700: return "A discarded envelope chewed by Kitten.";
+701: return "A hollow voice says ~Fool!~";
+702: return "Several hackles are here and they appear to be up.";
+703: return "Just some spite.";
+704: return "Vitriol.";
+705: return "There is a small mailbox here.";
+706: return "A large oriental rug.";
+707: return "It's an elvish sword of great antiquity.";
+708: return "A large coil of rope is here.";
+709: return "You've found a speed bump.";
+710: return "It's a whirly thing of some sort.";
+711: return "An empty Slurpee cup.";
+712: return "This is a disaster area.";
+713: return "A small box of fishing weights.";
+714: return "A street map of the city of Anaheim.";
+715: return "Bits of red construction paper are scattered all about.";
+716: return "You won't believe what this is.";
+717: return "A meat-scented air-freshener on a string dances in the breeze.";
+718: return "A intact clay pigeon.";
+719: return "Pieces of broken clay pigeons are scattered all about.";
+720: return "This looks like a skateboarding arcade video game.";
+721: return "It's a steaming bowl of homemade gnocci.";
+722: return "An electric fan lies on its side here.";
+723: return "It's something fizzy.";
+724: return "A hickory stump.";
+725: return "This tiny barbecue is spotlessly clean.";
+726: return "A saucer of milk, untouched by Kitten.";
+727: return "Insane laughter issues from this vibrating shipping crate.";
+728: return "Haven't you checked here already?";
+729: return "Just some rusted lug nuts and an ancient hub cap.";
+730: return "A rusty crowbar.";
+731: return "A post hole digger is stuck in a pile of dirt here.";
+732: return "It's a spade.";
+733: return "It's the Queen of Hearts! ~Off with their heads!~, she shouts.";
+734: return "An assortment of highly-nutritious vegetables.";
+735: return "A dead click beetle.";
+736: return "A roll of scratch-and-sniff stickers.";
+737: return "A roll of duct tape.";
+738: return "Someone dropped a cheap ballpoint pen here.";
+739: return "Someone dropped an expensive fountain pen here.";
+740: return "You've found the Gingerbread Man!";
+741: return "You've found the Stinky Cheese Man!";
+742: return "This looks like an umbrella turned inside out.";
+743: return "3.14159... Pi is all over the place here...";
+744: return "You almost mistook this meatloaf for Kitten.";
+745: return "This drawer is full of dried out rubber stoppers.";
+746: return "A flask of hydrochloric acid is here.";
+747: return "Why are you bothering that old man instead of finding Kitten?";
+748: return "It's a hyperkinetic rabbity thing.";
+749: return "A dog dressed in a cheap suit is here.";
+750: return "~Help me Robot! You're my only hope!~";
+751: return "You found Budgie! Too bad this isn't ~robotfindsbudgie~.";
+752: return "It's a sleeping lion.";
+753: return "It's an example of the infamous space-cadet keyboard.";
+754: return "You find a random assortment of dots and dashes.";
+755: return "Nothing but some scribbles in crayon.";
+756: return "It's a week-old baloney sandwich.";
+757: return "It's a red stapler.";
+758: return "It's a red staple-remover.";
+759: return "It's a ~Wicked Tinkers~ CD.";
+760: return "You see a rhinestone-studded dog collar, but no dog.";
+761: return "It's a box of lox.";
+762: return "It's a box of pinball machine parts.";
+763: return "You've discovered an enormous pile of socks.";
+764: return "It's a photograph of Kitten.";
+
+! The following Non Kitten Items were added by David Griffith for
+! Release 7
+!
+765: return "It's a copy editor, reading aloud from the Associated Press Stylebook.";
+765: return "It's a copy editor, reading aloud from the MLA Stylebook.";
+766: return "Kitty kibble is scattered all about.";
+767: return "A bartender growls, ~No robots allowed!~";
+768: return "It's a Franklin Ebookman.";
+769: return "It's a child's kitten pull-toy.";
+770: return "~I'm Speed Racer and I drive real fast!~";
+771: return "~I drive real fast. I'm gonna last.~";
+772: return "~I'm a big pirate and I like to steal!~";
+773: return "~I like to steal and I like to kill!~";
+774: return "~I'm a Barbie doll but I've got brains!~";
+775: return "~I'm your doctor and here's the bill.~";
+776: return "Go! Go! Go, Speed Racer!";
+777: return "It's a Boeing 777 airliner.";
+778: return "Someone is taking time out for fun here.";
+779: return "You see a street lamp and a lamplighter here.";
+780: return "A broken cricket bat.";
+781: return "It's a mint-condition IMSAI 8080 computer!";
+782: return "A hollow voice says ~xyzzy~.";
+783: return "Wimpy is here asking for a hamburger.";
+784: return "You found Olive Oyl!";
+785: return "It's Popeye!";
+786: return "Bluto is here looking for Olive Oyl.";
+787: return "~Et tu, Brutus?~";
+788: return "The bodily remains of a Roman emperor.";
+789: return "Yay! It's a hoola hoop!";
+790: return "The Smart Patrol is here.";
+791: return "It's an old sandal.";
+792: return "It's a feather duster.";
+793: return "It's a zipper.";
+794: return "It's an old crumhorn with a broken reed.";
+795: return "A sticky old cough drop.";
+796: return "A jar of buttons.";
+797: return "A bearded dragon lizard is sitting here.";
+798: return "A garden toad.";
+799: return "A garden gnome.";
+800: return "A garden weasel.";
+
+default: return "Unknown NKI (this should not happen)";